


I Feel It In My Bones (Staring Shadows In The Eye)

by Quinnavyre



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Charming-Swan-Mills family, F/F, It gets happier!, Past non-graphic torture, Starts canon and goes AU, Swan-Mills Family, There's more focus on dialogue in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnavyre/pseuds/Quinnavyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma's holding back so much of herself - reactions, emotions, thoughts. Starting with Emma's response to Regina's torture and exploring the development of her relationships as she she starts to open up to everyone, but to Regina most of all.</p><p>An alternate vision of 3B with Emma's perspective of the epic crap that keeps being thrown at her and her family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Staring shadows in the eye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reglna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reglna/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Staring Shadows in the Eye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2329931) by [reglna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reglna/pseuds/reglna). 



> Written for the Unintentional Challenge. Many thanks to my beta, Supermatique, for her fantastic feedback. Any remaining mistakes are my own. 
> 
> A big thank-you to reglna for the gorgeous fanart and fanmix.
> 
> Starts canon and goes AU after Witch Hunt 3x13. Warning for non-graphic mentions of past torture. Swearing. Story title from Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, chapter title from Fallen by Imagine Dragons.
> 
> Please be aware that while Emma's past feelings for Neal are mentioned, it is all in the past. He was her first (and failed) attempt at finding happiness.

_“Emma, I’m so sorry.”_

_“How … am I gonna tell Henry?”_

_David just tightens his arm on my shoulder and kisses my head. I guess he doesn't know either._

*****

I was in love with Neal once and I thought forever, but not anymore. Telling him was goodbye. I'm not in love. He left me so alone, so long ago. I trusted him; he threw me away. But he's gone – really gone – and I couldn't do a damn thing and I still love him.

All that crap we went through all that time ago and we made a kid and he's amazing and I love him, too. And his mom. Regina. I just– I don't know how or when it started, but the thought of what they did to her, it kills me. I could barely look– I can't even begin to imagine the pain she– I don't even want to think– Not when I've just lost him and I nearly lost her. It fucking hurts.

And she was so alone. So goddamned alone and expecting it. She stole that fucking bean plant and kept it in her fucking office. Right out there in plain sight. But no one knew, because no one cared enough to visit. Not even her son. It hurts to think of Regina dragged from such loneliness to– No, I can't. I just can't. Neal is gone and that's enough to deal with. I've lost enough for a lifetime.

I'm still adjusting to the truth of Regina as the Evil Queen, but I know that's not who she is anymore. I can see it. It's just so hard, holding two realities in my head – and I wasn't even there back then. Sure, I bet I don't know the half of what Regina's done, but I don't know what she's dealt with, either. What kind of pain causes someone to curse a whole world? Nothing excuses any of it, but hell, I'll be damned if there isn't a story there that wasn't in Henry's book.

That fucking book.

I was on my own. No Henry. No Regina. No family. (I have a _family_.) No fairytale bullshit. No curse. But I can't want that life back. My birthday and no one – not even a single damn person to share it with. That fucking wish. But I couldn't take it back. Not even now. Not after Neal. After Regina.

Hours later, and it still fucking hurts. It won't ever stop hurting. He's gone – again – and I don't need to look to see the burns on her temples, the new lines on her face, the evidence of tears. One glance has seared them into my mind. Regina doesn't willingly cry in front of anyone, but this woman – this damaged, defeated woman – isn't Regina, not as I've ever known her. No, maybe once before: when Henry was cursed. I can't comfort her – how could I ever possibly help? – but I can watch over her. Be there. Like I hadn't been when we thought Archie was dead. Or when Regina was tortured.

I shift on the metal stairs, looking down at the damaged queen in the bed below. Distance and darkness mask her pain, but it's still there. It's almost palpable. Yes, I will watch over her. Henry needs his Mom, and I realize that in some strange way, I need her too. I would claim the usual "For Henry" and that is true as ever, but today has left me feeling raw and honest. Regina means something to me, too. Her pain means something. Her healing – however long it takes – means something. I've seen her hurting for so long and done nothing. It's overdue. I couldn't help Neal, but I can try to help Regina. I know she won't make it easy, but I'm ready. I owe her that, and more. Guilt. Gratitude.

My son. Her son.

I still don't feel like the Savior from Henry's book, and I know she won't make it easy, but I've always opposed her. Why not now, when it really matters?

I can't fall back on the Charming bullshit – it's not about being good, it's just being a decent person. A decent person helps save her kid's mom. A decent person helps her deal with the fallout.

*****

Regina wakes early, screaming. I take her cue of pretending it never happened, avoid the inane cruelty of asking how she's feeling by wordlessly offering water and painkillers.

She accepts with brief gratitude, voice hoarse. Subdued. She sleeps again soon after. A little more restful. A little less pained.

Upon next waking, Regina insists she's ready to see her son. She looks wounded, desperate, her perfect mask torn away. How could I ever deny her that now?

*****

When we return with Henry, Regina is out of bed, clean and dressed, waiting to meet him. Hope and happiness and pride on the surface. Pain and sorrow just barely below it all. But Regina is pain and loss. Always has been. I see that now. At first I saw only the mask. Cold, hard, ruthless. Without it she is pain and loss and hurt and anger and love and fear and a stupid kind of courage where she tries to pretend like she's okay. Makes out like she doesn't need anybody. Except her son. Her love and pride for him is overwhelming. I don't know how I ever doubted it. But then this Regina is not the one I first met. This Regina wears her emotions.

Their reunion only lasts a moment before we're all shaken by reality. Literally.

Yeah, so this trigger thing is her fault, but I can see her regret. Doesn't stop my anger flaring up. I don't want her to suffer; she's been through enough. I just want her to make it all go away. I'm so sick of all the drama. Can't Storybrooke just go back to being a small town with secrets? That shit I can deal with. This is too much.

*****

I'm about to grab my coat and run when Regina suddenly stops Henry to say goodbye. She tells him she's sorry she failed. Tells him she loves him. It's unexpected yet somehow … not. Her love for Henry helps me breathe. I feel less guilty. Less afraid. She loves him more than anything. She'll fight for him – for all of us.

Henry hugs his mom quickly but so hard he hurts. She looks so shocked. So grateful. So devastated and wounded and thankful. Like she'd given up and is still adjusting to the fact that she isn't dead, not yet. She has a son, a son who maybe even loves her after all.

*****

We're both silent on the way to the mine. I don't know what to say. The image of Regina looking at Henry is burned into my brain. She looks so sad. So regretful. So damaged. Barely holding herself together. That phenomenal ability to mask her feelings and yet– Even the wraith hadn't broken this far through. Only when Henry had been cursed.

Then I know.

Regina has lost Henry again and again. She was so fucking lonely and desperate that she tried to magic the kid to love her, not even caring that it would be an illusion. I've lived that kind of loneliness but I did nothing. Worse, I just took him away again. Like she was nothing. He'd left her and then she'd expected to die. Wanted to die, even? How do you come back from that?

And that wasn't even everything. First Regina had lost her son; the one thing she truly cared about. Then she'd been given hope for something she never thought she'd have – her mother's love – only to have it torn away moments later. And then – as if that wasn't enough shit to throw at one person in a _lifetime_ , let alone a year – she'd been tortured and nearly killed. All of it, everything that had happened, had only made her more alone. More damaged.

How do you come back from any of that? Any one of those things could break a person. Regina has been broken down so many times.

And yet she stands. She holds herself together, a semblance of the whole. Beautiful and damaged.

I can't contain a surge of guilt. If I hadn't taken Henry away from Regina, maybe Cora wouldn't have got to her. And then maybe they couldn't have taken her and tortured her. But thoughts like that never help. What if Henry had been there? What might have been done to him? The thought makes my stomach churn.

I can't think like that. He's okay. They're okay.

*****

The air in the mine makes me lightheaded. Dizzy. It takes me a second to realize what Regina means when she says it will take all her strength.

Then it clicks.

It's in her eyes. Her face. So much emotion. More than I've ever seen from anyone. But it's not for me.

It's for Henry.

My mind flashes back to Regina's eyes when she was saying goodbye to Henry. Pain. Loss. Despair. Love. Grief. She was saying _goodbye_. All I can feel is the cold clench of fear. “You're not coming with us, are you? When you said goodbye to Henry, you were … saying goodbye.”

A small part of me thinks I should be happy that she apparently trusts me to raise Henry alone, but I don't want that. I can’t. It occurs to me I never really did. I wasn't ready to be a single mother. I'm still not. I just didn't trust _her_. But she trusts me, despite everything. She can't die. Henry needs her. I need her. 

“He knows I love him, doesn't he?” Regina’s face is so full of hope and love. It fucking hurts.

I have to stop her. “Regina, no. There has got to be another way!” There must be something. Some way. _Something_. She can't die.

She ignores my stubborn hope for a solution. “You were right, you know. Everything that's happening, it's my fault. I created this device. It's only fitting that it takes my life.”

That is not what I want. No way in hell. I just want it all to go away. “What am I supposed to tell Henry?”

“Tell him that in the end, it wasn't too late for me to do the right thing.” She tells me to comfort Henry with words. But what good are words? A dead hero is still dead. 

I have to change her mind. No way I'm letting Henry lose his mom. Not now. Not ever. Not after she's tried so hard to fix things. Still trying, even. She was tortured – fucking tortured – and she's still trying to be the person she needs to be for her son. Even if it kills her. Even _knowing_ it will kill her. Fuck.

That's what being a mother is, I realize suddenly. Doing what you think is the best thing for your kid no matter what. But there has to be another way. There just has to be.

It's not too late. Regina doesn't need to die doing the right thing. She can't die. She just can't.

“Regina, please…” I try to tell her, but she won't listen. I can't find the words. How to tell your enemy and ally that you can't do it alone? I need her. Henry barely knew Neal and was shattered over his death. Regina is his _mom_.

“Everyone looks at me as the Evil Queen, including my son. Let me die as Regina.”

She is so noble and terrified and brave and so desperate to die as Regina and I just can't find the words to tell her. “Regina, I–” I try but it's too late. So I run. I can't see her die too. And I have to save Henry and as much of his family as I can. I can't let him grow up like I did.

I can't think about Regina. Maybe this is what she needs. Redemption. Even unspoken, the word leaves a foul taste in my mouth. But it's her choice. It's what she wants. Isn't it?

*****

Mary Margaret and David's plan terrifies me. We could all die trying. I want to run. Get away from all this and pretend it never happened. I want to live. I want Henry to live. I want to run and cut my losses. But I can't. Henry's right. Mary Margaret is right. We can't let Regina die. This is our chance to do something for her. Make up for some of our mistakes.

Besides, I can't let Henry lose her. Not ever.

***** 

Regina looks so shocked when she sees us. Horrified that Henry’s still here. That we’re still here. “What are you doing here?”

Henry is the one who answers. “You were willing to die to save us. That makes you a hero. Now we're gonna be heroes.”

*****

It's all gone to hell. FuckingHook took the fuckingbean. Now what? Say goodbye to my family? I try, but it's wrong. They're my parents but they don't feel like it. The words are strange in my mouth. But I don't want to die not acknowledging it. Not when I know it's what they want to hear. Henry goes to his mom. Regina is so open. Every emotion on display. Her love and regret and horror and pride and despair and regret. So much regret. It’s all in her voice. “I love you, Henry. I only wish I was strong enough to stop all this. I'm just not.”

No. I can't do this. I'm not leaving Henry all alone. I'm not ready to die. And I'm not giving up on Regina.

We made magic together. That's supposed to mean something, right? I suddenly remember that damned hat that sent me to fairytale land or whatever. Regina's magic was screwy, but I touched her arm and boom! The hat was spinning. I'd thought it was a fluke, but what if it wasn't? Together, we opened a portal to another realm. What else could we be capable of?

Henry said his mom was willing to die to save us and that makes her a hero. But what if she doesn't have to die? What if none of us do? I don't want Henry to be alone. Regina is willing to die to avoid it. But she doesn't _want_ to die. She just believes she has no choice.

She's wrong. We're stronger together. I've seen it. We can save Storybrooke. We can help Henry together.

“You may not be strong enough, but maybe _we_ are.”

*****

That little smile she gives me when it starts working – it hurts. It's so relieved. Hopeful. I could get used to that. Hopeful Regina looks younger. Happy, almost. It's a nice change.

But then it's gone. Then Henry is gone.

And then everything really goes to hell.


	2. The city never sleeps at night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during Going Home. Chapter title from the Imagine Dragons song It's Time.
> 
> This is the final chapter that follows canon events - future chapters deviate from canon through 3B and beyond.

“I’ve got a scent. He’s nearby!”

“The tower?”

“It’s me! It’s me, it worked!” The sight of Henry – our Henry – running towards us makes me feel like I can breathe for the first time in days. Regina and I both hold onto Henry like we’re the only things keeping him here. Like we could lose him at any moment. Honestly, that’s how it’s been lately. I know we’re holding him too tightly, but it’s impossible not to. He’s alive and he’s safe and he’s himself.

“Mom, Mama, I just saw you guys. You guys just saw me,” Henry says, breathless.

Henry pulls back but we can’t let go that easily. That’s been our problem all along. Both of us. Mom. Mama. I may not always have been his mother, but he’s making me a part of his family and I can’t just move away.

“But we didn’t see _you_ ,” Regina says, her hand brushing his chin affectionately. It’s only then that I realize I’m not only in Regina’s personal space, I’ve destroyed it. I’m leaning into her, shoulders, arms touching. The strangest part is it doesn’t feel strange at all. I’m not used to being that close casually to anyone other than Henry – not since Neal – but it seems totally natural. Comfortable.

I see the scroll. “He’s got it. It’s up to you, now.” I pass it to Regina and suddenly there’s a flash of light and she’s falling to the ground.

“Regina!” I break her fall as best I can. When Regina collapses I forget all the first aid training I've ever had. All I can do is just keep saying her name. I don't even think to check her pulse. I can't think. I'm worried and frantic and terrified and I don't know what to do. I didn't help Regina save Storybrooke from the diamond only to have her die with our son by my side.

My heart is racing. When she looks up and says my name, I can finally breathe. But why my name? Did she see something involving me? Or was it just that mine was the first face she saw? Henry and I help her up. “What happened? You okay?”

“Yes. I’m fine.” She sounds distracted, lost in thought.

I hear Mary Margaret. “What is it? What happened when you touched it?"

Regina’s tone is still distant, but her eyes are drawn to Henry. “I saw what needed to be done.”

Henry speaks next, concern clear in his voice. “Mom, are you going to be okay?”

“The important thing is, you will be.” Regina touches Henry under his chin in comfort and reassurance, voice full of love and resolve.

What does she mean? Does she know how to fix this? It's hard to believe she's nearly died multiple times in the past couple of weeks. Weeks? Is that all? Fuck. It's like time has compressed. If things settle down after all this, will time seem to crawl? Crap, did I just jinx us? God, I hope not. I think everything might actually work out okay for one glorious moment and then Pan is back. Selfish little sociopath. I wish I'd stabbed him that first night on the island. Yeah I know, heroes don't kill, blah blah blah. But some people are better off dead. At least then they can't hurt anybody else.

Regina and I move to protect Henry, but then we’re all frozen. Breathing and seeing but unmoving.

Every breath hurts.

I thought we were safe. That it was finally over. Of course it wasn't. This is my life now. Reeling from disaster to disaster with barely a chance to breathe.

I feel helpless.

I couldn't save Henry from Pan. I can't stop this curse.

I'm nobody's Savior.

Being frozen is the most terrifying experience. We're immobile, but we can see and hear everything. I feel sick. I don't want anyone to die. I don't want to die.

Fucking Peter Pan.

Fucking Neverland.

Less than two weeks. Two fucking weeks. It feels like it's been a year. A lifetime.

It's been like a rollercoaster from the depths of hell. Instead of moving my body, it's been flinging my emotions in every fucking direction.

I'm exhausted, and I barely did anything. Wandered around in the jungle, trusted Regina, drove her away – again, damn it all – found Neal alive again, told him I loved him and wanted him dead, got fought over like a piece of meat, saved some Lost Boys, and finally helped Regina cause a lunar eclipse. A lunar freaking eclipse. I'd thought magic was all smoke and mirrors – and then all fireballs and taking hearts – but now I know it can do anything. Well, nearly. It can fake love, raise zombies, move space rocks.

Surely magic can fix this?

Fuck, no.

Then Pan's gone.

Gold is gone.

But it's not over.

*****

"What's the price? Gold said that there was a price. What is our price?"

“It’s not _our_ price.” Regina turns to face me, sorrow and despair in her eyes. “It’s mine.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s what I felt when I first held it. I have to say goodbye to the thing I love most.”

She’s looking straight at me, and I’m caught in her eyes. For just a moment, I can't think. And then I realize and turn to face our son. “Henry?”

“I can never see him again. I have _no_ choice. I have to undo what I started.”

Of course the price to pay is Regina's. She's been paying advances on this price for months. Longer, even.

This is bullshit. Regina nearly died twice over. She lost her son, saved him, lost him again.

She just got him back and now that's it? She has to say goodbye for forever? How is that fair? Everything she's done for Henry – everything she's done for all of us – and she's just gonna lose him?

Fuck that.

I realize they’re talking about reversing the curse. “… everyone will go back to where they’re from. Prevented from ever returning.”

“We’ll go back to the Enchanted Forest?”

“All of _us_. Except Henry. He will stay here because he was born here.”

“Alone?” My voice cracks. I can't leave him again.

“No, _you_ will take him. Because you’re the Savior.” Regina smiles for the first time since Pan came back. It hurts. Sorrow and despair and hope. “You were created to break the curse, and once again, you can escape it.” Regina's telling me that it's all over. I can have a life with Henry.

It's too late.

It might have been my dream once. For a moment.

Not now.

The first time I had the chance to keep and raise Henry, I was in jail. Out of jail I had nothing and no one. It would have been cruel to try.

Now, all I want is to stay with the whole of this crazy family I'm finally starting to get my head around. Parents who are moving on but still love me. (It beats having none.) A son who loves me. Regina, who … well, is something.

Regina reminded me recently that I’m not alone. I have a lot of people who love me. But now I need to leave them all behind. All but Henry.

On some level I still feel like an orphan, and that's not gonna change in a hurry – if ever – but before Mary Margaret was my mother, she was my friend. Now she's Snow White, and yeah it's weird as fuck and she's my age but she's my mother, and she wants to have another kid because I'm all grown up. That just sucks on so many levels, but I'm sure she never meant to sound like she wanted to replace me; she's no more used to being a mother than I am being someone's kid.

And then I think of those poor damn kids. The Lost Boys. As if I could ever have helped them. I can't help anyone, not even myself.

I feel helpless. Hopeless. And then it's like I'm that lost little girl again. An orphan. Alone and full of despair.

But then I stop myself.

It’s be cursed or abandon Henry, and it seems Regina's curse was child's play compared to whatever Pan will have cooked up. No surprise there. Her curse was pretty harmless – sent to a world with plumbing and electricity and medicine and education and you don't even remember what you're missing? Big fucking deal.

I can't take Henry away from Regina. Not again. I don't want to hurt her. Or our son. And I don't want to lose my family. “I don’t want to. We’ll both go back with everyone.”

“That’s _not_ an option. I can’t be with him. If I don’t pay the price, none of this will work.”

I know she'd never give up on Henry. This must really be the only way.

It fucking sucks.

Mary Margaret steps in. “Emma, you have to go.”

“I just found you.”

“And now it’s time for you to leave us again. For your best chance. For his.”

Why do I always have to be left behind or sent away? I’m not ready to give all this up. It can't just be over. What will happen to everyone? To everyone’s happy endings? “No. N–no. I'm– I'm not … done. I'm the Savior, right? I'm supposed to bring back all the happy endings. That's what Henry always said.”

Mary Margaret smiles. “Happy endings aren't always what we think they will be. Look around you. You've touched the lives of everyone here.” My eyes are drawn to Regina. The Queen who cast a curse to get her happy ending. Henry. How can she ever find a happy ending now? What does it mean if the Savior’s happy ending takes everything away from someone else?

Mary Margaret reminding me of everyone just sucks. That's my point – I don't want to lose my parents and Regina and my not-dead ex and the rum-loving pirate. I only just found my family, and now I have to say goodbye. Why the hell did I ever think this could be different? “But we’re a family.”

“Yes. And we _always_ will be. You gave us that.”

David says earnestly, “You and Henry can be a family and you can get your wish. You can be like everyone else. You can be happy.”

Mary Margaret chimes in again. “It's time for you to believe in yourself, Emma. It's time for you to find hope.”

Regina speaks next, humor and sorrow and resolve clear in her voice. “I've known you for some time, and all I wanted was for you to get the hell out of my life so I can be with my son. But really…” her voice cracks, “What I want is for Henry to be happy. We have no choice. You have to go.”

Regina's eyes are just– I can't look away. I don't want to lose her.

This isn't all about Henry. It mostly is, I get that, but I can also see that if Regina can't be Henry's mom, I am her first – and only – choice.

I don't want to go.

I have to go.

"Okay." It sounds how I feel. Reluctant. Alone. Sad. Abandoned.

_"Happy endings aren't always what we think they will be."_

I can't get those words out of my head. As a child I never even tried to imagine a happy ending. All I wanted was a happier now. Something more than group homes and temporary families. Somewhere to belong.

A home.

Now I feel like I'm being sent away again.

It fucking hurts.

I know that's not what this is. I know Regina's thinking of Henry. I know she's even thinking of me. We can be happy. But right all I can see is everything I'm losing.

Everything Henry is losing.

I don't even want to think about what Regina is losing.

_"Henry is everything."_

I'm the Savior. I can save our son. Save him from being abandoned without memories. That's what I need to focus on.

We'll be okay.

We're still breathing.

*****

Goodbyes suck.

They never used to matter. I wouldn't let myself get attached. This fucking sucks.

Neal had finally accepted he could be in my life without romance. Spend some time with Henry. It could have been great. No one will ever take Regina's place in his heart. I'm fine with that. She's his mom. She loved him first.

But I'm getting him anyway.

It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel real.

I'm saying my goodbyes and then Regina says there's more and I just can't do this anymore. “What now?”

“When the curse washes over us, it will send us all back. _Nothing_ will be left behind. Including your memories. It's just what the curse does. Storybrooke will no longer exist. It won't _ever_ have existed. So these last years will be gone from both your memories. And we'll just go back to being stories again.”

Regina tells me we're going to forget everything and everyone. But why? Why this? Why now, when I finally want to remember?

I see in Regina's eyes that she understands how desperately I want to hold onto something from this life. How much I want to remember that for a time I finally had a place I truly belonged. People who loved me. Family. Friends.

The Savior was a role that was chosen for me. I chose Sheriff for myself.

Soon I won't even remember.

Getting a life away from all this fairytale bullshit should have made me happy, but all I can see is the life we're leaving behind. Family. Friends. A town that never should have existed. “What will happen to us?”

Regina answers me honestly. “I don’t know.”

Maybe it's better not to remember what we're missing.

I don't want to forget. “Doesn’t sound much like a happy ending.”

But how much worse must this be for Regina? She's giving me her son. Losing everything she loves to save us all.

Last time Regina saved this town, she bargained with her life. This time, she's giving up her happiness.

Regina laughs a little. I hear the tears she's holding back. “It’s not. But I can give you one.”

When Regina promises us a happy ending, for a moment I hope that I've misunderstood and we actually can remember all this. “You can preserve our memories?" 

“No, I can do what I did to everyone else in this town, and give you new ones.”

“You cursed them and they were miserable.” For a moment I'm afraid we'll be lost, like this town under the curse. Afraid we won't know who we are.

“They didn’t have to be,” Regina reassures me and takes my hand. The emotion in her eyes is staggering. So full of love and care. I almost stop breathing. I'm sure it's all for Henry, but it's so real. “My gift to you is good memories, a good life for you, and Henry. You’ll have never given him up. You’ll have always been together.” She's giving me everything. I won't be alone. I won't have failed my son. We'll be together. We won't remember anything else. 

"You would do that?"

Regina's offering me everything I could have wanted. A life with Henry. A happy life. A happy future. Hope.

My eyes fill with tears, knowing all that she's giving up so that Henry can be safe and happy. All that she's giving to me to make it happen. We'll both believe we had a life together.

“When I stop Pan's curse and you cross that town line, you will have the life you always wanted.”

“But it won’t be real.”

“Well, your past won't. But your future will. Now go. There isn't much time left – the curse will be here any minute.” My final goodbye to Regina is without words. I hope she sees it in my eyes. I'm feeling too much. Too strongly. Regina is giving up everything to save us all. Sacrificing her own happiness.

Then too soon it's time for our last goodbyes with everyone. Regina's last hug with her son, my last kiss from my mother.

It's over.

It's too soon.

The last thing I see in my rear view mirror is the curse washing over Regina as she turns to watch us go.

*****

… and then

I look in my rear view mirror. All is quiet and still.

I look across at Henry and give him a smile.

He smiles back, content.

We'd had a nice weekend away, but it feels good to be going to New York.

Home.


	3. Why can't I see what's right in front of me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3B reimagined. Mostly canon compliant up until Witch Hunt, then diverges. Some plot points remain unchanged, but most are altered or completely different. (For one, imagine Neal saved his father and would have died, but Rumplestiltskin found a way to keep him alive for a time but in his own body. Neal's final interactions with Emma remain essentially unchanged.) Chapter title from the Imagine Dragons song Rocks.

_“Go find Tallahassee. Even if it’s without me.”_

*****

Storybrooke is Henry's home.

I don't even know what home is. I thought I did, for a little while. During that year in New York, my home was with Henry, and it was really good. But it wasn't real.

I changed homes so many times growing up that the word lost meaning. None of those homes were mine. I was in them, but I never belonged.

Group homes were the worst. Despite the name, they were only ever a place to stay.

I never knew what it was to have a family. I've lived with so many in my life, but at best I was only ever their foster daughter.

Most of them, they were really good to me, but I didn't belong. They loved me, and they cared for me, but they couldn't keep me. They just sent me away again.

I wanted family all my life, but it's not what I thought it would be. Now that I have it there are doubts and expectations and fear. Terror, even. What if I screw this all up? If I run it's a choice. If I'm sent away– I just don't think I can handle that again.

I never asked for this. Any of it. I know I shouldn't even contemplate making plans behind Regina's back, especially after the life she gave me with Henry, but I'm still terrified of what it all means. Regina gave me the life I'd always wanted. She just knew. I don't know how to process that fact.

He was Regina's son first. I know that. I wouldn't really take him away from her. I'm just thrown. I had everything. I had a family. A home.

But I know more than anything that if Henry remembered, he wouldn't want to leave.

*****

I loved Neal. I did. I mean, yeah, I hated him for leaving me. Even more for not coming to find me after the curse broke.

It was easier when he was dead. But then he was back. Alive. (Again.) Seeing him, it just– Every time, emotions resurfaced. Dark ones. Emotions that I'd felt as a child and hoped were gone forever until Neal abandoned me. Twice.

I spent a decade running.

Henry and Regina were the first to hold me to one place. Regina because I had a moment of doubt, a glitch in my superpower. Henry because he took advantage of that doubt and sucked me in. What hope did I have? He's the best and the worst of both of us.

Now Neal's dead again and I'm here and I don't know what to tell Henry. Why the hell did Regina have to make me tell Henry that his dad sucked? I'm pissed. On some level I know my reaction is all out of proportion but I don't care. I hate feeling like I'm not in control of my own life. I've felt like that for too long.

I manage to catch Regina alone. Get up in her face. It's like old times. "What was up with you making me hate Neal enough to badmouth him to our son? Are you seriously that selfish–"

Regina glares at me. "Are you honestly that dense?"

"Me? Your curse rewrote my past, and now Henry thinks his dad was a jerk. How the hell am I supposed to convince him that Neal was a decent person?"

"The only thing I wanted for the curse was for you and Henry to be happy. If you said anything against Neal, that was all you."

"And you expect me to believe that?"

Regina's face turns hard. Cold. "Of course you wouldn't," she sneers. "It couldn't possibly be because your son came into your life a decade earlier, when you were still feeling betrayed. It couldn't possibly be because you wanted to be honest with your young child."

"Honest? He thinks Neal was a thief who betrayed me."

"And he was. But he was also human. Why does your family keep acting like people are all one thing or another? You know it's not that simple."

"Yeah," I sigh, resigned. "I just– I can't think clearly here. It's too much. Curses. Villains. Why can't life be normal–"

"Like your life in New York?"

"Yes." Regina's expression shifts from ice to fire. Fuck. "No. Hell, I don't even know what's real anymore. I just hate not knowing what's going on."

"As do I. But if you think you're just going to take our son–"

"No! No, I swear, I'm not. I just need to think. I think I'll head out, go get some air."

"Fine. I'm going to talk to our son about school. Unless that topic's now considered unsuitable as well?"

"No, it's fine," I say, still wondering what the hell I'm going to say about Neal.

"Well thank you." Regina's tone is curt and hard, and fuck I've said the wrong thing again. This whole conversation is a fucking minefield and I don't know why I started it.

It's only as she turns away that I see the hurt and pain.

"Hey, Regina, wait. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to take Henry away from you, I swear."

"But you're just going to run away again? Of course you are! That's what you do!"

"I didn't run away one year ago. I'm not running now. I'm just freaking out a little, okay?"

Regina stares at me for a long moment. "I suppose that's understandable," she concedes stiffly. The anger is still present but now there's something else. For an irrational moment I can't figure out if she's upset with me for wanting to stay, or wanting to go. But then I realize something that should have been obvious – she's thinking of Henry. Of course I can't go. I'm his mom now, too, and after this past year – and Regina's actions here and in Neverland – I'm finally starting to understand what that means.

Regina gave me so much. She trusted me with her son. I need to trust her. Believe in her.

"Henry was your son first. He needs you. You saw him and the town didn't implode, so we're gonna fix this. We'll get _our_ son back and we'll save this damn town all over again. It's what we do."

"You and I and the Charming Idiots," Regina snarks. It doesn't have the bite it would have had before Neverland. Before Mary Margaret actually gave her some of the credit she deserved. I'm relieved that they're maybe hopefully finally trying to move on.

*****

When Zelena announces herself and her intention to destroy Regina, my heart stops. But why? Why Regina? And why now?

Regina looks as mystified as I feel, but she’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

After Zelena’s gone, Regina and my parents and I retreat to the apartment. Henry's safe with Granny and Ruby. We need to figure this out. We need to know who cast the curse and why. We draw up a list of possibilities. Number one of course is Zelena.

Regina shakes her head. “I know it makes sense, and I think it’s quite clear that she’s experienced traumatic loss, but I don’t think it was her doing. She doesn’t seem like she’s destroyed anyone she truly loved, not voluntarily.”

“I don’t think she’d love many people,” David says.

“Yeah. And Regina’s right, she’s too … desperate?" I shake my head. "No, that’s not it, but there’s something.”

Mary Margaret frowns in thought. “So maybe she made someone else do it?”

“That would make sense,” I agree. “Maybe someone who is way worse off back there?”

“Like the peasants? Or soldiers who’ve been conscripted? Or prisoners? Or servants?”

“Huh, fair point." What a mess. "I was actually thinking someone who’s human here but isn’t back there, like Archie or Ruby. Not that I can see either of them doing it – plus Gepetto and Granny are still alive – but maybe someone else?”

“I can’t think of anyone else in that situation.” Regina looks at Mary Margaret and David for confirmation.

“So the lions from The Lion King weren’t in the Enchanted Forest?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“Well then how about one of the fairies?”

“They don’t seem to mind.”

I sigh. “Okay, let’s take this up again tomorrow.”

“Good call,” David says with a tired smile.

Mary Margaret and David say their goodnights and head up to bed, but Regina and I stay put. I’m still trying to figure out who could have cast the curse. Regina seems distracted.

I’m just wondering if Pongo would be capable of casting the curse – who the hell would want 99 puppies? – when suddenly Regina pulls her heart out of her chest. I’m so stunned it takes me a moment to react. "What the hell are you doing?"

Regina turns to face me, heart in her hand, expression neutral. "This apartment is protected. It's a safe hiding place. I can't fight Zelena with my heart in my chest." She closes her eyes and says softly, "I can't be vulnerable."

My eyes are drawn to her heart. It glows brightly with every beat. It's disturbing, but beautiful. The words are out before I can stop them. "Can I hold it?"

Regina stares at me for a long moment. Her expression is more guarded than I've seen it in a long time. I understand. This is her heart. I don't know what she sees in my face, but she finally smiles slightly and offers me her heart.

It's warm. I can feel it beating. It's so beautiful. Not dark like I expected. The black is like a spiderweb over the glowing red center. "It's so red," I say wonderingly, half to myself. "Is that because of Henry?"

Regina's smile is suddenly dazzling in her love for Henry, making my heart skip a beat. "I imagine so."

"It's beautiful."

"It is," Regina agrees gently.

"Is it weird having your heart outside your body?"

"Yes. I can still feel, but it's disjointed. I feel an echo of emotion inside my body, but the strength of my emotion is elsewhere."

I think I understand. "Where your heart is?"

"Yes."

We both look down at Regina's heart, which beats steadily in my hands. At this range, the red glow overwhelms the delicate strands of black. I'm still in awe. "Thank you for letting me hold your heart. You didn't have to do that."

"I almost didn't," Regina admits.

"Then why?"

"I realized I'd already given you everything when I gave you our son. This is only my heart."

"It's not _only_ anything. You need it to live. If it's destroyed, you'll die." Regina appears unfazed at the idea of her own death. I feel sick. Then I realize I've missed the most important point – the only thing that might actually work. "You need it to love Henry."

"Which would matter if he remembered me," Regina says flatly.

"I know you, Regina. You won't stop loving him. And he will remember you. You won't stop trying until he does." I can't help smiling as I say those words. When we first met, Regina's persistence and refusal to back down annoyed the crap out of me. Now, I know it's one of the few things between Zelena and victory.

"And yet to him I am the mayor."

It seems to me that the color of Regina's heart darkens with her mood. "Only for now," I point out.

Regina smiles a little, and her heart glows a little brighter. "Yes. For now."

As I give Regina back her heart, my hands feel unexpectedly empty.

*****

Despite my fear of magic, I try to convince Regina to let me help her against Zelena, but she insists she can handle it. That stubbornness might get her killed someday.

It better fucking not.

I try to challenge Zelena, but she throws me aside like I'm nothing. It pisses me off, but I don't get a chance to try again. (To maybe use my magic.)

Regina turns up late and alone, dressed meticulously even down to a new pair of red gloves. I secretly kind of love that she chose red. It's my color.

Despite my concerns, Regina goes up against the witch alone.

My heart stops when she hits the clock face. I can’t breathe. Every step of the way as I climb the clock tower, I'm praying that she'll be okay. I don't even know what I'm praying to, I just need her– She has to be alive.

I'm so fucking relieved when she says she's okay. My legs go weak and it takes me a moment to remember how to move.

When I see her I want to slap her. I want to kiss her.

My father helps her stand.

*****

Breaking the memory loss is our first priority. On Henry, on everyone. For most people, the missing year. For Henry, most of his life. We need answers. We need Henry to know who he is. Why we're really here.

Our first plan – to get the witch out of hiding – was an epic failure. She got away. But now, even knowing that the witch is Zelena, we're still failing. So we come up with a new plan: start with Henry.

Henry's memory loss was created by a broken curse. Regina believes that will weaken the spell enough to be more easily broken. Once Henry remembers, we can use that weakness to break the new curse.

What better place to break the spell than the town that's locked away in his memory?

He needs to know.

What if this backfires? He'll hate me. It's terrifying, but he needs to remember. He needs to know who his family is. Needs to know why he's going to be staying at the apartment indefinitely. (We don't know what Zelena is planning but we do know she's after Regina, so no way in hell we're letting Henry be endangered. That protection spell is our best chance for keeping him – and his grandmother and his mother's heart – safe. Regina doesn't want to expend the amount of magic needed to protect anywhere else. It's too risky. She needs as much magic as she can get.)

Henry's always valued honesty. He needs to know who his dad was. Regina was right. He was human. Not an asshole, not a hero, just a man. A man who made mistakes. A man who made selfish choices. A man who often tried to do the right thing but didn't always know what that was. He was human.

But more than anything, Henry needs to know who his mom is. He needs to meet the woman who has always deserved that title. Needs to meet her as his mom. Not Regina. Not the mayor. His _mom_. And he needs to know me for who I am. He needs to know both his moms.

Once he knows the truth, he'll remember everything, I'm sure of it.

If Zelena had wanted me gone, she would have taken my heart or made me a monkey. She had her chance outside the clocktower. She barely glanced at me.

This is all about Henry, I know it. We can fix this. We can stop her.

And I need to stop hurting Regina. It's not intentional, but it needs to stop.

When I tell Regina my plan she kind of blinks. Gets that look I glimpsed when I was dragging her out of the fire. Disbelief. Awe. Like she still cannot believe that anyone would ever help her. That anyone would ever choose her.

It fucking hurts.

But now she also looks happy. Grateful. Relieved. Like she's been offered something she hadn't dared to let herself hope for.

I know she loves Henry more than anything. I know from Neverland that she feels that he's all she has. But I'm hoping that in time she'll be able to see that's not true. She has my parents. She has me.

So even though this kind of feels like how I imagine it feels to actually tear your heart out, I know this is right. Decent. Henry needs to know the truth. I can't lie to him any longer. Regina and I both know how that goes.

Regina nods. Swallows. Nods again. Smiles. It's the most open smile I've ever seen.

It's fucking beautiful.

*****

We’re all set to enter the apartment and tell Henry the truth, when Regina pulls me aside and says, concern and care so clear in her face, “Emma, are you sure about this? We can find another way. It’s not too late to change your mind.”

Suddenly I'm recalling another situation involving Henry and that same question. One situation with two very different outcomes. I gave him up. I kept him. Regina gave me Henry for what she thought was forever. The least I can do is help her get him back.

I nod and smile tightly. "I'm sure."

"But it might not work."

"I know. And then we'll find another way. We need _our_ Henry back. This Henry is at risk every moment he's here, because he has no idea of the danger he's in."

Regina smiles, but "But what if he doesn't remember? You know how he reacted even suspecting that I was the Evil Queen. If he knows the truth and doesn't remember, he will run away again."

"Well, if he doesn't remember, then we’ll have to find a way to keep him at the apartment until he does. We can try everything. His book, your photos of him as a baby, stories from us and his grandparents – whatever it takes."

*****

Henry doesn't take it well.

The only mother he has ever known has suddenly told him she didn't want him, didn't choose him. I can see it in his eyes, but I try to talk and he shuts me down. "I want to go home."

"I do, too, kid, but this is your home. You grew up here in Storybrooke. I love you more than anything. I don't want to lie to you anymore. I know you don't remember, but you will."

"How, magic?" His scorn cuts. I'm not used to this, but I know Regina's dealt with worse from him, so I ignore his tone.

"Yes, actually."

"C'mon Mom, I'm not five."

"Henry, Emma may not have chosen to be your mother when you were born, but she did choose you. Those photos you have of Storybrooke were taken after Emma came here and chose to stay for you."

"What, and you just let her?" Henry says, clearly trying to put an end to the discussion by pointing out the obvious lie. How did he pick up on that? It’s beautiful. It gives me a sliver of hope.

"Of course not," I say, thinking back on those early days with a wry smile. "Everything Regina has done has been for you. She chose you, she fought for you. She loves you more than anything. And she finally accepted that you wanted me in your life as well. So here I am."

Henry looks at Regina suspiciously. "Where were you when we were in New York?"

"I had no choice. I had to give you up. It was…" She's clearly struggling for a suitable word. I realize there isn't one, nothing outside of curses and magic. Nothing that would make sense. Nothing believable.

Screw believable. "Here's the thing. Storybrooke's not a normal place. It's not on any map. It shouldn't exist. And for a year, it didn't. We were in New York, and all these other people were somewhere else. Regina had to send us away to save everyone."

“I’m not an idiot.” He turns his back, pulls out of my grasp. I remember him doing the same to Regina, so many times over. Fuck it hurts. How much worse must it have been for Regina, who'd only ever wanted to be his mom? How much worse must it be for her now? This was supposed to help. He was supposed to remember.

"Henry, please believe that I love you more than anything. I just knew that your best chance… it wasn’t with me."

He turns to face me, scowling. "How? What was wrong with our life in New York?"

"It was wonderful, but it wasn’t real."

"Stop it!" Henry pulls away again and goes to the window, purposefully shutting me out. I can tell from his voice that he’s fighting tears.

I don’t know what to do. Even the memories of raising him haven’t prepared me for this moment. We had a good life. The life Regina gave us. I want to fix this, but I don’t know how. I look at Regina helplessly. She looks sympathetic.

Regina takes my hand and squeezes it briefly. It's a fleeting comfort, but welcome.

I can almost breathe again.

Regina's the one who manages to get through to him. He may not know he remembers her, but there's definitely a connection.

She explains his story like it's a fairytale. The lonely queen searching all through the land for a son. Her prince. She tells him how she has always loved him. I realize this is how she must have told him when he was a baby. I wonder why she stopped. Why he didn't know she chose him.

He listens. Reluctantly, but he does. Curiosity and his love of stories seems to win out.

She leaves out the curse. The frozen time. Henry's behavior.

She skips to my arrival. My decision to stay. Makes it all about Henry.

We both know it wasn't, not at first. I appreciate the kindness.

She tells Henry how I found a job and friends and a home. How I tried so hard to belong. For him.

I can't– I'm suddenly on the edge of tears. Regina's giving me more than I ever expected. She's not shutting me out or making me irrelevant. She really seems to want me to be a part of Henry's life.

It's only then that I realize: when Henry brought me to Storybrooke to break the curse, he was taking me home.

To Storybrooke.

To Regina.

Storybrooke is my home, too.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Storybrooke is more my home than anywhere I've ever lived.

I have family. Friends. Regina. (I'm still not quite sure where she fits in. She's almost both but not quite either.)

Regina had been right to say I had never put down roots. I hadn't allowed myself to. I'd tried to trust and love with Neal and I'd been burned, and it was only seeing him again and saying goodbye that has truly enabled me to move on.

I knew I loved him but wasn't in love with him. I knew I loved him and wanted him dead. What I hadn't realized was that some part of me had always seen him as home. Even when I thought he was dead. He was the first one who'd loved me. The first who'd wanted to stay. Who'd spoken of the future. It was hard to give up on that. Even when I thought I had, I hadn't. Not completely. But he was gone. And he'd told me to find a new future with someone else.

I think he saw it before I did. Realized that my future was in Storybrooke.

Realized who was in my future.

Henry. My parents. Regina.

Regina, who trusts me with our son. Regina, who keeps saving us all. Regina, who saw me as a threat but only ever tried to make me go away. Regina, who could have killed me and my parents so many times over, but didn’t.

No. I'm just Henry's other mother. Regina has clearly accepted that much. Nothing more.

I'm not something she chose. Not someone she wanted. All she wanted was for me to get the hell out of her life. I wonder what she wants now. For her. For me.

It doesn't matter.

Right now, our son doesn't even remember her. He is her number one priority.

If only he knew.

*****

Henry keeps looking at me accusingly, like I did all this for shits and giggles.

How could he think I'd ever find this funny?

There's no way I'd ever poke holes in anyone's happy childhood without one hell of a good reason. Not in any realm. Henry is my son, mine and Regina's. This is his happiness we're talking about. We did not do this lightly.

Regina is sympathetic. She knows what it's like to feel rejected by our son. For the longest time, I did all I could to make that worse. Too long. She's his mother. She claimed that role long before I ever did. I can't turn away from that truth now.

Henry reluctantly agrees to stay in the apartment and read the fairytale book only after being promised pancakes for breakfast. I suspect the other reason he’s staying is because of his mission to keep finding new ways of asking Mary Margaret about her time in prison with his mom. (The first time Regina heard him ask she nearly blew a gasket. It was kind of hilarious.)

Before we leave, Regina pulls Mary Margaret aside. "Watch Henry more closely than you've ever watched anything in your life. Do _not_ let him out of your sight."

"I won't," Mary Margaret says, smiling reassuringly.

"I don't think you understand. Our son feels betrayed by the one person he loves most in the world. The only thing he has left is New York. He will try to leave, I have no doubt. You cannot let that happen."

"I understand."

Apparently that's enough for Regina. She takes her coat and follows me out the door.

Regina and I leave Henry with his grandparents, hoping like hell that the stories in the book will be able to do what our words couldn’t, and restore his memories. We need to find a way out of this mess. I can't stop thinking about pancakes. I still know how to make pancakes and lasagna and scrambled eggs and waffles (from scratch!). It's weird. The fake memories are still in my mind, but I also have real memories of cooking from my year in New York.

I try for a casual question. "So, any ideas on why your curse taught me to cook?"

Regina smiles in that way that she used to reserve for Henry and now sometimes shares with me. It hurts but it's beautiful. "I wanted Henry to be happy. He's as addicted to food as you are. It follows that you would need to be able to cook."

"But I could cook things I'd never ever tried before."

"Impressive, don't you think? I taught you how to cook without even being in the same realm," Regina says, giving a pleased smirk.

There’s a whole different set of feelings associated with that look.

We want to find out what Zelena’s planning so we can make sure she doesn’t succeed. We know her magic is more powerful than Regina’s, so we need to know how to stop her. And most of all, we need to reverse the memory spells on everyone to get Henry back to then restore everyone's memories and find out what the hell happened in this past year.

We check out Mr Gold’s shop. The fact that Zelena immediately went after him suggests that there's a connection. Belle agrees to help us as we hunt through books and spells. Despite the fact that Regina did some of the worst shit to her for the shittiest possible reason – her association with Gold – she has shown the most forgiveness of anyone. But then, considering the nature of the man she's chosen to love, I realize she probably needs to be this forgiving or she couldn't still love him.

We can't ever forget that we're up against Regina's sister. Sure, they barely know each other, but we don't want her dead. Regina has precious little family as it is. We just need to stop her. Make her plans fail and find a way to render her powerless. Does that bracelet exist again in this Storybrooke? Gold is alive, so it must be somewhere. And as for Peter Pan – I hope he's dead. Maybe that makes me an awful person but guess what? So was he.

*****

(It isn’t until days later that we find out that Henry managed to sneak out of the apartment after we left and tried to run away. And then Hook enabled him. Of fucking course. It’s just lucky that my parents found them before they got turned into fucking monkeys, even if they didn’t want to admit they’d lost him. (Sometimes I seriously worry for this kid they’re having. They totally suck at holding onto children. Like, so so bad.)

Kid was fucking lucky he’d already had his pancakes when we found out, let me tell you.)

*****

Arriving back at the apartment, we're greeted in the best way possible. "Mom! Ma!"

Our son dives into our arms, nearly knocking us over. He's been less prone to hugs in the past year. I hadn't realized how much I missed them. Regina and I smile at each other over his head. He's grown. Regina's smile is warmth and happy tears and relief. Such relief. Such joy.

I can't help but notice that Henry has shortened my new title. I love it. Like Emma and Mom combined. It's me. And it's all mine. Not shared, like Mom. We'll always know who he's talking to. That thought makes me feel happier than it should.

We're not a family, not really.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

Certainly not the sort of family I'm imagining. One family in one house. That's just not where we are. Or even where we're going.

That thought is far from happy, but needed.

Needed or not, it fucking hurts.

It nearly makes me cry.

As we pull away from the hug, I sigh. I don't mean to. It's just– I know everything's just changed and as much as I knew it had to happen, part of me wishes it didn't. A small selfish part of me wishes I'd clung onto my son with both hands.

But it wouldn't be fair. I know that there's no way Regina would have allowed herself to lose him again. I respect that. If she holds on too tightly, it's only because she knows what it's like to lose everything.

She's a good mother.

I jump in before Regina or Henry has a chance to push me away. This needs to be my choice. It’s the choice I need to make. "Hey kid, I'd totally understand if you wanna go home with your mom. You've got a lot of catching up to do."

"Thanks Ma. I'd love that. We'll see you tomorrow. Right, Mom?"

"Of course," Regina smiles back.

"Wait." Mary Margaret's smiling down at the three of us. We're still close. It's only then I realize that while one of my hands is on Henry's shoulder, the other is on Regina's back.

I drop my traitorous hand away, suddenly self-conscious. "What?"

Mary Margaret just smiles, oblivious or accepting. I suddenly wish I knew which. "We're safest here. We should all stay. Can you magic us up a couple more beds, Regina?"

"Henry?" She says, still uncertain.

"Do it," he says firmly. "Trying to save magic was clearly a mistake, but I know it's not all bad. Besides, couches and armchairs totally suck to sleep on. And Emma kicks in her sleep."

Regina smiles widely. "Well, in that case…" She produces two single beds, casually rearranging the furniture to fit them in.

I'd thought she might have magicked her own bed in and removed the furniture entirely, but clearly I was wrong. Unless one of them is for me?

"It'll be like a sleepover," Mary Margaret says cheerily.

"Isn't that just for little kids?" Henry grumbles.

"Of course not. It'll be fun," I step in before Mary Margaret gets a chance to reply. "We'll watch a movie. And in the morning, I'm making waffles." I can tell from everyone's blank looks that they're probably wondering if I'm serious. "Damn, you all need to catch up on so many movies!"

Henry creases his forehead with a slight tilt to his head. "So wait, are you really making waffles?"

"Tomorrow Regina's making pancakes like we promised, but sure, I'll make waffles the next day."

“Apple pancakes?” Henry asks, looking hopeful.

“Of course,” Regina smiles. "I'll make apple pancakes for all of us," she promises. "And plain pancakes if anyone doesn't want apple."

Henry smiles up at her. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're very welcome. I love you, Henry," Regina says, kissing his forehead.

The wave of magic takes us all by surprise.

“Wow. Was that– Henry is your true love too?"

"So it would seem," Regina says, looking stunned.

"I would expect nothing less," I say with a grin and a nudge to Regina's shoulder. She seems to smile back despite herself.

Henry smiles at Regina. "I love you, too. And I love you, Ma," he adds, smiling up at me.

"Love you too, kid." I smile back, then turn to Regina, suddenly realizing. "Wait, do you remember?"

"Yes," she says faintly. "Zelena doesn't want to kill me, she’s planning something worse. She wants to destroy everything I love. But I– I told her that I'd already lost everything."

"Henry," I say, realizing why she suddenly looks so horrified. "She must have known he was still here. Here with me."

“Yes. She must have found a way to get to him. The curse, the bird that sent the pirate to you. But she made a mistake. No one goes after my son. Now nothing in the world will get in the way of me stopping her,” Regina says with a fierce glint in her eyes.

“Moms?” Henry’s looking wide-eyed and panicky. Regina gives him another hug while I try to reassure him.

“Your mom put a protection spell around the apartment. We're gonna fix this, but you need to stay here with your grandparents until you’re safe. And your mom is going to teach me magic. I'm done being afraid of the only thing that can save us.”

“Finally,” Regina says, raising an eyebrow. She looks relieved but terrified and I know this is our best chance.

I'm so sick of that being the reason I make the choices I make. Why can't I live a life where my choices aren't so fucking dramatic?

*****

After Henry goes to bed, Mary Margaret decides I should know just how quick Killian was to abandon them. David seems to be in denial, and Regina continues to look disgusted at the mere thought of him. “Emma, you need to know … the minute we got back to the Enchanted Forest, Killian left us to return to his ship.”

“So, what, as soon as he stopped trying to impress me, he went back to what he was?”

“Yes,” Regina confirms.

“Dammit, I knew that. How could I forget? I should never have let him watch Henry. But he came to get us!”

“He came to get _you_ ,” Regina says.

“Yeah, you’re right. It was about me. It just sucks that he wasn't more interested in being a decent person.”

“The pull of the past is hard to resist.”

“Yeah, but you manage.”

“For Henry.”

“But you kept resisting it even when you thought you’d lost him forever, right?” I know I'm guessing, but they all remember and she's still here.

“She did,” Mary Margaret says softly. “She stayed with us.”

“Mary Margaret helped,” Regina says, smiling at her.

Wow. I knew they were getting along better, but I’m still a little stunned. I can’t help smiling at their interaction. “Okay, when all this is over, the three of you really need to tell me about this past year.”

“Deal,” David says.

“Wait,” Mary Margaret bursts out. “I just remembered something that might help. When we arrived in the Enchanted Forest, Aurora and Philip implied that our castle was safe, and yet it was inhabited by Zelena. Maybe she made them say that?”

I blink. “What? But how? What leverage could she possibly have?”

“I have no idea.”

“I don’t know Philip, but Aurora seemed nice enough. I just don’t buy them working with her voluntarily.”

“I couldn’t have imagined them lying to us, either,” Mary Margaret points out. “Fear can change a person. Have we seen them?”

“No, but they could be monkeys.”

“True.”

I shrug. “Either way, they’re definitely on our list.”

*****

The following morning Regina makes us pancakes, as promised. She starts out with a question. “Who wants plain pancakes?” When there’s no response she adds, “I won’t be offended if you say yes.”

“Apple for me, please,” I say with a little smile.

“I’d love apple, too, Mom. Please.”

“So would I, please,” says Mary Margaret, smiling.

“Me too,” says David. At a pointed glance from Mary Margaret, he adds an awkward, “Please.”

“You all want apple pancakes made by the Evil Queen?” Regina says, her tone somewhere between scorn and confusion.

“No,” I say firmly. “I want apple pancakes made by Regina Mills.”

“Please, Mom?” Henry asks.

“But I poisoned you. And Mary Margaret.”

“You did,” Mary Margaret agrees, “But I trust that you won’t now.”

“Why?” Regina's looking more and more overwhelmed.

“We’re your family. Our grandson is your son. We’re working against the witch together.”

“Mom, we’re all on your side now, okay?”

Regina is clearly too busy holding back tears to answer. She just nods her head and starts preparing the batter.

The pancakes are apple and cinnamon and they’re just perfect.

*****

I make sure I find time to talk to Henry before Regina and I head off for my shiny new magic lessons. (My lessons in Neverland were a start, but I can’t argue against Regina’s claim that my reluctance limited their usefulness.) He’s helping Regina stack the breakfast dishes in the sink. “Hey kid, how are you handling all this?”

Henry raises his eyebrows. “You mean the fact that my aunt has a vendetta against my family?”

“Yeah.”

He grins and rolls his eyes. “Must be Tuesday.”

I have to laugh. “So you’re okay? Really?”

“Yeah,” he says. He must see doubt in my face, because he adds, “I swear, I’m fine. I’m safe here, and you and Mom can handle her.”

“We can,” Regina confirms from over his shoulder.

“Sure we can,” I agree, smiling back at her, and then at Henry. I almost manage to make myself believe it. “And the other stuff? Do you want to talk about New York or anything?”

“It’s okay, Ma, I don’t blame you for giving me up. Mom.” He hesitates, looking torn.

“Hey, I love Ma. It’s perfect. Regina was your mom first.”

“And now you’re both my moms, and it's even better. I’m okay, I promise. You just wanted to do right by me, and you did. This way I have both of you in my life.”

“Yeah, you do,” I manage, blinking back tears. “And if you want to talk, you know we’re always here for you.”

*****

Magic lessons scare the crap out of me. Regina was clearly taught by the craziest fucks to ever… Fuck.

After I survive the first few tests – magic carpet bridge, cloud of smoke, virtual pancake – Regina takes us back to the basics, focusing on the techniques and emotions necessary for magic.

You'd think all that would have been better before trying to kill me, but anyway.

Okay yeah, I know she doesn't want me to die. I saw the terror and relief in her eyes after the bridge collapsed. Plus she kinda went easy on me afterwards. Her fireballs were barely warm, and the car she dropped on me was moving super slowly.

I'm sure she'll work back up to scaring the shit out of me before I know it.

It's okay. I know it's because she wants me to live. She wants us to win.

*****

I’m surprised by just how much I enjoy making waffles for everyone. It’s nice, having people to make food for. Even nicer that they all seem to enjoy what they’re eating. The best part is that Henry seems to really love my waffles, even now that he remembers his mom’s cooking. I was afraid that would be it and he’d be ruined for my cooking forever. Then again, I can’t say my cooking is actually my cooking, not anymore. I couldn’t have cooked waffles from scratch before all this.

It’s okay. I mean, it’s weird as hell, but I’m still me, just a little different. Not quite as rough around the edges, not quite as used to being alone. I mean, I am, but then I also have these memories of having Henry for his whole lifetime and I know it’s not real and I remember the reality of not having him. But I also remember being his mom my whole life. It’s weird.

We’re still adjusting to our new old memories, but I’ve spoken to Henry and we’re both happier knowing the truth. I mean, remembering that I’d abandoned Henry was like a gutpunch. It fucking hurt. But we both know it’s what gave him his mom, and sure they had a bad year or two, but things are so much better for all of us now. (Or will be once we stop Zelena.) Henry knows I love him and he knows why I left and why I stayed so many years later. He’s still more affectionate with me now than he was before the new curse, and we have a way better relationship. We really are mother and son now, and all because of Regina. (If anyone had told me this a couple of years ago, I’d have laughed in their face.)

I see Regina stealing some of Henry’s second waffle – she’d said she didn’t want another – and I can’t help smiling at his indignant, “Mom! You said you were done! I’m sure Ma will make you another one if you ask.”

I try to contain my amusement. “Sure I will. Just say the word.”

Regina rolls her eyes at us both, clearly not fooled by my attempt to look serious. “Thank you, your waffles truly are excellent, but I _am_ done now.”

“As you wish,” I say, clearly skeptical.

“I’m done,” she repeats, pointedly not looking at Henry’s plate with its inviting waffle. I make another waffle for myself, and give Regina a quarter. “Thank you,” she says reluctantly, but can’t quite hide her smile.

“You’re welcome.”

Regina stares intently at her waffle as she pours the syrup; she probably doesn’t want to see my smirk. Her quarter is gone before I even sit down.

I consider offering her more, but I decide I've pushed far enough. Besides, I can't forget that Mary Margaret and David are here. I don't want to make things awkward.

*****

After waffles, it’s my second day of intensive magic lessons. Regina starts out with a few more exercises to challenge me. Flying cars, fireballs, snowballs (scarier than it sounds) and teleportation (Regina starts me out with food and hot chocolates – she really _does_ know me). Afterwards, Regina and I work on combining our magic and focusing it. Strengthening it. Zelena’s magic is stronger than Regina’s, but I’m sure she can’t defeat us both together. Belle came up with some theory about the purity of my magic against Zelena’s – my magic is driven by the selflessness of true love, and Zelena’s is driven by selfishness – so Regina is using her magic to control mine and turn it from a wildly-thrown anvil into a targeted blade.

At the end of that day, we decide we’re ready. We’re sick of waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "...and in the morning I'm making waffles!" is a quote from Shrek. (I'm sure Emma will make her family watch it, if she hasn't already done so!)


	4. These walls they're crashing down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the Imagine Dragons song Amsterdam. We're pretty much totally AU now.

It's a simple plan – that's what will make it work. Killian and David will distract Zelena while Regina and I use our magic together to stun her. I have my father's sword. He has a gun. Killian has a sword. (And his hook.) We're not intending to use any of them, not if we can help it. We have Regina's magic and control, and my magic. I can teleport hot chocolates and apple pies. Light candles and put them out. I managed to make a flying carpet out of a broken bridge, extinguish fireballs, explode snowballs, and flatten a falling car, so at least we know I’m capable of magicking shit up. I'm still learning everything else, but that's okay. We're a team.

*****

When we go up against Zelena, Regina wears her red gloves and I wear my red jacket. For a moment I feel like we can do anything.

One moment. Then it's gone. That's how long it takes for Zelena to use the force-choke on Regina and on me. We didn't even get a chance to use our magic and I can't move my hands and I couldn't even transport an apple pancake right now. I'm freaking out. I'm trapped and I can't breathe and I didn't think she saw me as a threat and what the hell is happening?

I look at Regina helplessly and I can't breathe and all I can focus on is her eyes. I see anger and despair and recklessness and cunning. It takes me back to when we met and gods I hope we can find a way out of this.

Then Zelena's talking and I can't think of anything else. "Hello sis. I see you brought me a gift. Your wife."

The fuck? Wife? I can barely breathe but I swear I hear a muttered curse in the shadows. What the hell are Killian and David doing? We need a distraction now, or Regina and I will be dead and everyone will be at Zelena's mercy. (That's if she even has any.)

Pouting a little at the lack of response, Zelena continues, "Love makes you weak. Have you learned nothing? Your weakness allows me the perfect opportunity to take everything away from you. When I heard you'd sent your son away with his other mother, I knew you had at least two loved ones you could watch me destroy." Zelena tightens her hold on my throat. I try not to react.

"Don't be ridiculous," Regina grits out. "Miss Swan is nothing to me. Merely a useful tool for saving my son until I could be with him. You're wasting your time."

"You mean to tell me you feel nothing for this woman? You don't see her life as holding any value whatsoever?"

"She is nothing. Nobody."

I close my eyes, try to swallow. I can't. I can't feel anything. Numbness and a roaring in my ears. I have been nothing too many times in my life to too many people who mattered.

I only barely catch Zelena's next words, "You're lying. Look at her. She loves you."

I gasp and open my eyes. If I'm going to die, no way in hell I'm cowering in the corner. I stare straight at Zelena. I can't bring myself to look at Regina. I somehow manage to choke out a response. "You obviously know nothing about us if you think we're in love, lady. We've fought over Henry since day one."

"You tricked everyone into thinking you were fighting over the brat, but I saw you together."

Suddenly a shiver goes up my spine. _"I always know when you're lying."_ I've never been able to get a read on Regina when she's like this. It's why I stayed. It's why I thought she'd murdered Kathryn.

She's lying.

I realize it doesn't matter what Zelena is planning. It doesn't matter who cast the curse. All we need to do is stop her. And for that, we need a distraction. I cough and manage to hiss out, "Where's your guard dog?"

Zelena smiles, all teeth and smugness. "He's gone to fetch your son."

"Well he won't succeed."

"Oh, really? And why not?" Her hold relaxes fractionally. Not enough.

"Henry is protected. Snow and her baby are protected. Regina's heart is protected. Whatever you're planning to do with them, it won't work."

"All I need is you, and my little sis here will do anything I ask."

"And what makes you think you're getting me?"

"You don't even know how to hold that sword," Zelena sneers. "How could you possibly stop me?"

By now Zelena's right up in my face, her magic choking tighter and tighter around my throat. My vision is darkening at the edges and my ears are roaring for a totally different reason. I'm running out of time.

"With my magic," I grit out. Her shock distracts her for a moment. It's enough. Her hold weakens momentarily. I can move. I look up, lock eyes with Regina and suddenly we're merging our magic and flinging it at Zelena. The witch is frozen, immobile, helpless. I immediately snap the bracelet onto her wrist.

"What have you done?" She hisses.

"It stops your magic," I say. "You're going to have to deal with being an ordinary human, now. Maybe it will teach you some perspective."

Regina is still staring at me. She isn't blinking. Her face still has that cold, detached look from my early days in Storybrooke, but now there's a wildness to it beyond anything I've ever seen. She conjures up a fireball and turns to face the helpless witch. The fireball throws flickering light over both their faces. "We need to make sure she can't hurt anyone ever again."

"Regina, no." I grab her arm, pull her away. "This is not the way."

Regina stares fiercely at Zelena. "She threatened people I love."

"I know. I'm not saying we should trust her, I'm just saying she deserves a second chance. Rumplestiltskin messed with her life just as he did yours."

"Fine," Regina extinguishes the fireball and with it the wildness. The coldness remains. The distance. "But if she tries anything, she'll be a shish kabob before she even has a chance to blink."

"What's a shish kabob?"

We both ignore the question. I need Regina to relax, so I try for humor. "So your sister actually thought we were a couple? Crazy huh?" I must be in shock. No way in hell I would've picked this topic otherwise.

"Funny, our mother seemed to believe that as well," Regina says with a little smirk. My heart is suddenly pounding.

"Are you saying your mom thought we … you and I…" I find myself tongue-tied. If the thought of Regina and I together was distracting, that smirk is the last thing I need.

"Yes. You must have said something to give her that impression?"

"Oh." Shit. "I said we had a son we kind of shared." What if Regina realizes I'm an idiot who's not capable of protecting her son? "I didn't know who she was. She seemed nice." Yeah, that'll help. Not.

"It was one of her many skills." Regina's eyes remain distant, but I can hear her sorrow, see it through her fading mask.

At that moment David and Killian appear scratched and battered from the shadows, the latter complaining about how hard it is to stop flying monkeys without killing them when all he has to work with is weapons. We tell them what happened and David wraps me in one of his hugs. For the first time in days I feel like maybe we'll all be okay.

Regina has mostly recovered her warmth and equilibrium, so we find some nets and the boys and I head out to catch monkeys, leaving her alone with Zelena. We need to make sure they’re all locked up until we figure out how to turn them human again.

As I drop off my first monkey, I hear Regina talking to Zelena about giving her a second chance. I'm glad of it.

We end up with two cells full of flying monkeys.

Fucking wonderful.

Zelena has been moved to the office, locked in and handcuffed to a loop on the wall. It's a little quieter in there, a little safer.

She's alone.

As the door clicks closed, Zelena looks up, a hopeful smile on her face. It's nice to see. Maybe she really does want all this to be over. "Regina?"

"Nope, just me," I say. "Regina's checking in with Henry. She'll be back. We'll keep a guard on watch."

"I suppose I owe you a thank you,” Zelena says, still with that edge of snark. “There's not many who would be brave enough to force the Evil Queen's hand."

"Her name is Regina and I didn't force her to do anything," I say coolly. "I just stated the facts. She made her own choice."

"Say what you want, you just encountered the Evil Queen and ran towards her. I've seen grown men cower in terror."

I don't see any way to answer that, so I respond with a question that's been bothering me. "Why didn't you kill or injure me outside the clocktower?"

"Regina was missing. Where's the fun in that? I wanted to see the terror in her eyes."

"Well, sorry you missed out," I say with as much sarcasm as possible. Captive, she's still snarky and a little terrifying. I can definitely see the family resemblance.

"Oh no, I didn't miss out, I just had to wait until today. I got exactly what I wanted," she says, mocking and triumphant. "And I must say this newer weaker Regina is growing on me."

"She's stronger," I argue. "She would never have defeated you on her own."

"Exactly."

"No, she’s better than you. Her love for Henry makes her strong."

"Only for her son?"

"Who else?" I say airily. I'm ignoring her repeated attempts to get a rise out of me – I'm sure she's just playing at this point – but I'm also toying with her a little. I know Regina's changed so much since we first met, but love for anyone other than Henry? I don't know. I mean, sure she’s closer to my parents and even to me, but love is such a strong word.

"She said I threatened 'people' she loves. Plural." Zelena's smirking at me knowingly, but I don't fucking care what she thinks.

I do.

Could Regina actually have meant– No. It's stupid to hope. There's just no way. I choose to ignore her. "So … how do we turn these monkeys back into humans?"

Zelena smiles, all teeth. "Release me and I'll show you."

At that moment Regina enters the room, impeccably dressed. "That's not an option. In time you will be granted your physical freedom, but your magic must remain captive." She looks like she's just stepped out of a magazine. A quiet day in a quiet life. It's a beautifully transparent illusion.

I suddenly realize I'm staring and drag my eyes away. Zelena is looking at me with a decidedly wicked smirk. “See something you like, blondie?”

I ignore her yet again. “How do we undo the spell on the monkeys?”

Zelena smirks. "Wouldn’t you like to know."

*****

Granny gets first watch over Zelena. We want to make sure she doesn’t escape or hurt anyone, but also to keep her safe. When we ask Granny if she's willing to help, she calls out to Ruby, “ You’re coming with me to guard Zelena.”

Ruby just grins. “We’ll play cards.”

Regina and I return to the apartment together and the five of us have a subdued celebration. We’re all exhausted. I don’t remember the last time I had a decent sleep. Mary Margaret’s clearly due any day now. She goes to bed first. David and Henry follow soon after.

I’m not quite ready for all this to be over.

There’s something I need to put out there. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I know it’s something that needs to be said. “I know you’re legally Henry’s only parent, but I… I hope…”

Regina smiles and shakes her head. “Of course you’ll be a part of Henry’s life. You’re his mother, too.” She suggests alternating weeks with Henry, with a Friday-night dinner at her house for the changeover.

She claims it's Henry's idea.

She's lying.

I don't call her on it. If she's happier to pretend she doesn't care, what am I supposed to say? "Sure, that sounds great."

"Great," Regina echoes. She eyes me with some concern, but doesn’t speak.

And it is great. Really. Better than great. I love that she's choosing to let me spend an equal amount of time with our son – and choosing to spend time with me – it just hurts that she doesn't want to admit it's her choice.

I don't even want to admit to myself just why it hurts so fucking much.

It doesn't matter. We can be like this even if it fucking kills me.

No way I'm losing Henry now. It doesn’t matter that Regina would rather lie than admit that she cares. It can’t matter.

I finish my cider and pour another. I'm not driving.

When I look up, Regina is still looking at me in concern, but with an added edge of guilt. “When I said to Zelena that you were nothing, I hope you knew that I was lying. You said you always know, and I wanted to distract her.”

“I knew,” I say shortly. She could have done or said anything to distract her sister. It still hurts.

“I'm so sorry if my words hurt you. I was scared, and I made an impulsive decision. You are not nothing to me and you never have been."

Regina's apologetic expression reminds me of that other apology so long ago outside the diner. After she'd snapped at me. After I'd been an ass. “Yeah, I used to be a pain in the ass you wanted gone.”

“You did, but it was what I needed. I wanted to control my life so that everything stayed the same. You got in the way. But I would never want to go back to that now. You changed everything.”

“Yeah, I’m the Savior,” I say flatly. I know what I am. All I was ever meant to be.

“Yes, you are. But that’s not what I meant. You changed things because you were the first person in Storybrooke who challenged me. I know your parents would have if not for the curse, but you actually did.”

“And it all went so well,” I mutter.

“Emma, look at me. I would never want to go back to who I was then, or to that Storybrooke. Everyone was afraid of me. I’d driven my son away. There was nothing left worth holding onto, but I wouldn’t let go because I was afraid. You being here meant I had to move on. I had to grow. I had to care. I’m happy to share our son because he loves me, and you gave me that.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did. You changed things. You broke the curse, yes, but you were also the first person who gave me a chance.”

“Yeah, and then I screwed it all up.”

“Even that small degree of trust reminded me of what I could be. It made me want to be that for my son. It was me who got it wrong that time. I wanted Henry back so badly, and for a moment I forgot what it was to be loved for real. My mother … she got into my head.”

“I get it. She was your mother, even if she was a piece of work.”

“She was.”

“Nothing can possibly excuse what my mother did…”

“I understand her reasons but I still find it hard to forgive her methods.”

“Yeah, I get that. I had no idea, I swear.”

“I believe you.”

We smile at each other. A moment of understanding. I suddenly have a realization. “Where’s your heart?”

“What?” Regina looks thrown by the change of subject.

“Your heart. It’s still somewhere in the apartment, right? You’re safe now, you can put it back where it belongs.”

Regina sighs. “Yes, I suppose I should.”

I look across at Regina, but she’s staring into her glass of cider. “You are going to put it back, right?”

“It’s safe where it is.”

“Henry told me you put a protective spell on his heart to keep it in his chest. You could do the same for yours.”

Regina doesn’t answer. She’s gone very still, like she’s trying not to be noticed. Like she wants me to forget, to move on. I know what she’s doing, but I can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.

“Regina? You need your heart. For Henry. For yourself.”

“I know.”

“Then what are you afraid of?” It’s a deliberate challenge. I need her to fight back, to resist whatever this is that’s come over her.

“I’m not afraid,” Regina snaps, brittle and sharp. She’s lying. Why?

“Well what are you waiting for?”

Regina silently walks to the pantry and carefully pushes all the canned soup and vegetables aside, and then reaches right into the back and pulls out a black fabric bag.

Her heart is so red. Red and beating faster than I expected.

I notice that Regina’s eyes are closed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she says shortly. It reminds me of another time she said that, right before she had to say goodbye to her son. I feel sick.

“Are you sure? Is there anything I can do?”

“You’ve already done enough,” she snaps. “Please just leave me alone.”

I can’t leave when she’s like this. I don’t want things to be awkward between us again. And I don’t know what’s happening. She’s freaking me out. I need to get her to open up. I have an idea. “Why did you lie to me about our Friday night dinners?”

“In what way did I lie?”

“You said it was Henry’s idea. You lied. Why?”

Regina suddenly looks right at me. She looks vulnerable. Terrified. So full of love and loss and despair. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It clearly does,” I say a little desperately. Why won’t she just talk to me? What is she hiding? And why? She’s so emotional. I suddenly have a realization. “How can you feel so much without your heart?”

“Why do you think I’m keeping it in my hand?”

I’m thrown by the statement. It makes a ridiculous amount of sense. “Please put it back where it belongs. For me?” I don’t know why I add that last part, but the moment I do, Regina chokes out a breath and I wish I could take it back.

Regina is still and silent. “Please leave me,” she says finally, voice so soft I can barely hear it.

I don’t know what to do.

I walk away.

*****

Zelena's magic somehow disperses overnight and we're left with two cells crowded with disgruntled ex-winged-monkeys. Regina and I are called in to sort out the mess. I call my parents and Killian and Ruby and Granny to help out. I want this all sorted out as quickly as possible.

I hope Regina’s heart is back where it belongs, but either way I’m sure it’s gone from the apartment. I know she wasn’t trying to hurt me when she sent me away again. I wish she’d just talk to me and tell me what’s wrong.

I know she won’t.

Zelena watches the chaos from her place in the office. She has a way of looking like she’s exactly where she wants to be, even when she so clearly isn’t. I try to talk her into helping us.

She just smirks at me. “What did my sister say to you, I wonder? Yesterday she all but confessed her love for you, and today you’re looking at her like she killed your puppy. She didn’t, did she?”

“I’m pretty sure she’d be the last person to kill an innocent animal.”

“Are you now?”

She’s really starting to piss me off. “Okay, look, this is your mess we’re dealing with. I’d like to see some sign that you actually deserve this second chance we’re offering you.”

“Very well.” Zelena reluctantly helps us to control the chaos. She knows who most of the monkeys had been – aside from a few randoms who'd crossed her path and crossed her in the process – and helps reunite them with their loved ones, if any exist in this realm. Others will stay with locals while they settle in.

Aurora is alone and possibly even more pregnant than Mary Margaret. (It’s hard to tell – they both look ready to pop.) I ask after her prince but she says she never found him.

I don’t even need my super power to know she’s lying.

I ask who the father is. She claims he was a man she met in a bar.

More lies. I know more than enough to be suspicious of Aurora’s story. Last I knew Aurora had found her puppy prince and was disgustingly happy, which was why Mulan had left, and how she'd ended up being picked up by the new curse. And then there was the story of Aurora and Philip lying about Regina’s castle. She wasn’t pregnant then, so there must have been something else going on. Maybe Zelena had threatened each of them with the death of the other?

I call Mulan, knowing that no one here could care more for Aurora. “Mulan?”

“Emma, is that you?” She's talking way too loud. I almost swear before realizing that she’s probably never actually used her phone before.

“Yes. You don’t need to yell. I can hear you. We’ve found Aurora. She’s fine, but she’s pregnant. She needs someone to look after her. Can you help?”

“Of course,” Mulan says, a little quieter, sounding shocked but relieved. “Are you sure she’s fine?”

“She looks great. Glowing, you know.”

“Glowing?” Mulan echoes, sounding alarmed.

“Sorry, I just meant she looks healthy. She’s fine, I promise. Would you mind trying to find out what the hell happened after you left? I mean, a little more gently than that, but she’s lying and I want to know why.”

“Of course.”

*****

Once the ex-winged-monkeys have all been processed and housed, we head back to the apartment for a cup of tea. (Cocoa for Henry and Mary Margaret.) I’ve realized that Regina and Henry should spend some time together, just the two of them. I finally manage to speak. “Hey, Regina? I was thinking, we're safe now. I had Henry for a year so it’s your turn to have him stay with you. I mean, I hope not for a year…”

“Of course. As today is Monday, would you mind if my first week with him lasts until our dinner and transition the following Friday?”

“Sounds good. Thanks, really,” I add.

“No, thank you,” Regina smiles at me.

I smile back and then call out, “Henry, it’s time for you to go home with your mom!”

“Awesome! I’ll go get my stuff!” Henry dashes off upstairs.

Regina turns to me. “I hope you know that Henry’s home is with you, too, wherever you are. At your parents’ apartment or if you find a place of your own. And of course you can see him every day, even when he's with me.”

“Thanks,” I say a little gruffly, trying not to cry again. Dammit. (It's exhaustion, I'm sure of it.)

Henry comes back down with his bag and a hug goodbye. “Love you, ma!”

“Love you too, kid!” I don’t want to let go. I do.

“We’ll visit,” Regina assures me as she and Henry leave.

The apartment seems so much quieter without Henry, even though I know that's nonsense. He spends a lot of time reading or playing games or, you know, at school. (I’m guessing they’ll have school again soon?) I'm secretly aware that the absence of Regina is as significant a change as the absence of our son.

*****

Aurora's baby is born two days later. Mulan calls me from the hospital.

"Emma? Is that you?" She’s still talking a little loud.

"Mulan? Yeah, it's me. How are you?"

"Fine. I wanted to talk to you because Aurora had her baby."

"How are they?"

"Aurora and her baby girl are fine. I'm speaking to you because of something I heard her tell the baby. I think she'd forgotten I was here. She said that Philip was a hero who sacrificed himself so she could keep their child. But I don't understand. The baby hadn't even been born yet."

"Unless someone threatened to take the baby away?"

"Didn't you say Zelena had to cast a curse to get back here? Maybe she couldn't do it herself so she threatened Aurora and her family?"

"That would make sense. And yeah, it's plausible that the baby's life was being threatened. So Philip convinced Aurora to give up the thing she loved most – him – to save their baby. And then Zelena helped it happen."

"It makes sense," Mulan agrees.

Suddenly I realize what I've said. "Hey, I'm sorry, Mulan. I know–"

"Please, don't. Don't worry about it. She already chose him."

"But you're here now."

"And he's dead. Even if we're wrong about why, he died for their baby. I can be her friend. It's what she needs. I can't be anything else."

"Does the baby have a name?"

"Yes. She named her daughter Philippa."

I have nothing to say to that. I ask Mulan to give Aurora my congratulations, and ask her to call me if she needs anything, or just wants to talk. She doesn’t seem like she has many friends. I know how that can feel. I really hope she and Aurora find a way to be happy.

*****

My parents have their new baby the following day. A healthy little boy. They name him Lancelot.

*****

On the second night with baby Lancelot at home in the apartment – my fifth without Henry – Mary Margaret puts him to bed and jumps when she turns and sees me. "Oh! When did you get in?"

"Not long ago," I lie. I don't want to point out that she spoke to me when I arrived home, not that she calls it my home, not anymore. Another twist of the knife my mother doesn't even know she's holding.

She's looking at me in curiosity and concern. It seems I'm failing at hiding my feelings. "Why did you let Henry go with Regina?"

Huh. Of course she'd miss the obvious. "I may have given birth to him," I echo the words that Regina had said to me so long ago, "but she was his mother first."

"I know," she says softly, "but you look like you miss him. You were his only mother for a whole year."

"Which is exactly why he's with Regina now."

"And after he's spent time with her?"

I nod and shrug my shoulders. "I suppose he comes here for my week until we find a place? It's too crowded to last."

"I suppose you're right," Mary Margaret says, her eyes drawn back to baby Lancelot. She barely looks up when I say goodnight and retreat to my room.

*****

Days pass. I’m feeling adrift. I’m still staying with my parents but I feel like I’m intruding on their new happy family. They’re so wrapped up in their baby that I just feel like I’m in the way. I mean, they try to include me but they’ve always had their own happy little bubble. The baby is somehow already a part of it. I’m just looking in.

It’s not unusual for me to feel lonely in a house full of people, but this is the first time it’s felt so wrong.

Despite my hope that my fake memories of raising Henry will be helpful, I suspect they’re only making things worse. Mary Margaret and David seem to want to prove that they can be wonderful parents. Having their own daughter help them with her baby brother is apparently too much for them.

It's almost a relief when it's my turn to guard Zelena. She's doing better. A little less defensive, a little more open. She's been moved to a new place. A private home in town. She's free to move within the house, but we're keeping the guard up. To protect her and to protect others from her, until Archie can declare that she's no longer a threat. At the moment her most deadly weapon seems to be her snark, but I'm happy to leave the decision to his professional opinion.

Henry and I are still looking for an apartment. I know I'm putting off making a decision, but I can't help it. I don't want to go, but I know I can't stay here. I don't belong in this house. As alone as I feel with my parents, I dread that first week without Henry. Without anyone. I know I've lived alone for most of my adult life – and felt alone almost my whole life – but I don't want to be alone anymore.

Anyone who thinks life should be fair is fucking lucky.

People like Regina and I – who've had shitty lives being screwed over by shitty people who were supposed to care for us – need our own space, but we also need company. We can't be in our own heads too much. Well, I know I can't, anyway. Too much of my own company can be bad. It didn't used to matter so much – it was just me against the world. But now I'm one of Henry's moms. I have a kid. And Regina. And parents. I'm not alone in the world anymore. And it's wonderful and it's terrifying and it's fucking amazing.

It really is everything.

*****

Henry and I now have permission to see each other even when he’s spending time with his mom. He just has to make sure he tells her, which is fine with me – we’re totally going to be doing the same thing during my week. No way we’re letting anything happen to our son. Never again.

Henry and I meet up in the park for ice cream. Between Regina, Henry and I, it’s becoming a family tradition.

I can't help checking up on Regina, after I've questioned Henry about life and school (which has just started again). Despite her claim that they'd visit, I've only seen our son. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s good! She’s been making all my favorite foods and she seems pretty happy. We'll see you on Friday, right? Mom said we’re inviting you to dinner every week, and I’ll take turns staying with both of you?"

"I’ll be there. Do you know why Regina wanted to invite me?”

“It’s a family dinner,” Henry says simply. “You’re both my moms. When we got back here and I didn’t remember, Regina said I’d have more family than I knew what to do with. I didn’t realize she meant her.”

“Yeah,” I manage. I’m having trouble processing. A family dinner with Regina and Henry. All in one house. Family. Did she call us that, or was that just Henry's interpretation? I need to think about something else. “Do you think your mom's making her awesome lasagna?"

"I'm sure she would if you ask. I think she's making some fancy chicken thing," he says, pulling a face.

I pull a face back. "What?"

"I was hoping for lasagna," Henry admits. "I think she's trying to impress you."

"Have you seen your mom?" I realize how that sounds and suddenly I’m feeling horribly self-conscious. I try to deflect. "I mean, why would she think she needs to make any effort to impress me? Seriously, just give me food and I’m good."

"Do you wanna date Mom?" Henry asks suddenly.

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"Mom's trying to impress you, and now you're all embarrassed. C’mon Ma, I’m not stupid."

"I’m sure Regina just invited me around to be nice. We want to get along for you." There's some truth in that. We do. Of course we do. I know there's a lot more to it than that, but to be honest, I don't even know what anymore. How the hell could I ever explain our relationship to Henry when I don’t even really understand it myself?

I suddenly realize that Henry’s talking and zone back in. "…you and Hook are hooking up?" Smirking little shit.

"Seriously?" I'm thrown by the change in subject. Killian was the furthest thing from my mind. "We kissed forever ago, I came to my senses, end of story."

"Mom keeps making snarky comments about you and Hook. I get it now. She’s totally jealous. You’ve had my dad and Walsh, but all this time she's had no one. Now Hook wants you. Makes perfect sense."

"Yeah, I guess," I admit reluctantly. "But I’m sure she’s just jealous because she’s lonely. That doesn't make it about me.”

“But what if it is? She even asked about Walsh and sounded all defensive.”

“C’mon kid, that doesn’t mean she's interested in me. I’m sure it’s just about not wanting any more competition for her son." My heart's doing some kind of crazy triple-beat and it's making me feel lightheaded. He has to be wrong, right?

"She doesn’t see you as competition anymore, Ma. You know that, right? I mean, she let us be a family together, just you and me.”

“I know. She did.” I find myself smiling suddenly.

“Well what if she loves you and doesn't think you could love her back?"

I'm immediately reminded of Beauty and the Beast and quote softly without thought. "For who could ever love a beast?"

"Do you love her?" Henry asks bluntly.

Crap. I don't– I never meant– How the hell do I– Argh. "Kid, this is your mom we're talking about. She's probably just jealous because Killian spent more time with you than she did for a couple of days there. I mean, she's saved us so many times now, and I love that she's like a mama bear defending you, and she's like crazy attractive, but it's complicated."

"That's just an adult's way of saying you don't want to answer."

"There's no point. There's no way Regina would actually be interested in me." She wouldn't, right?

Henry's smirking at me. Again. I sigh. "Let’s go get more ice cream."

*****

The following day I drop in to visit Regina after Henry's bedtime. I need to clear up a few things with her.

I'm so wound up that I don't even give her a chance to speak, just launch into words the moment she answers the door. "I'm sorry I didn't want to talk about missing New York. For a while there my life was really great but I know I only had that because of you. I wouldn't really have left. You know that, right?"

"I know," Regina says simply, ushering me into her study and pouring us both a drink. "If you wanted to run you would have gone after Neal died."

"Yeah. I almost did," I admit, accepting the glass. “Thanks.”

"I'm sorry about Neal," Regina hesitates, then adds a little awkwardly, like she's having trouble forming the words, "I know you loved him." Her face twists a little, but not with dislike. It takes me a moment to realize it's sympathy. Empathy, even. And maybe something else.

"Well, yeah, I did. Love him, I mean. Thanks for… Uh, thanks?" I find myself stumbling over my reply. She means every word, but she’s hiding something. "You know, not long before he died we were bonding over bad exes. We both had stories we couldn't share with anyone outside of all this crazy that is our lives. That's what I'm going to miss, that history with him. We could have been great friends."

"So you weren't in love with him?"

"No, not for a long time. I loved him still, but…" I shake my head. "He wasn't it for me anymore."

"Because of the pirate?" Regina almost sneers.

"Don't call him that."

"Defending your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," I say automatically, thinking of Henry's theory, which is suddenly seeming almost plausible. I can't help but push a little. "I just… Don't you think he deserves to be defined by who he is, not who he used to be?"

"How can you be so sure that's not who he is now?"

I'm pretty sure Regina's not thinking of Killian anymore, and I know I'm not, but I don't know how else to answer. "Honestly? I'm not. He’s lied to me more times than I can count. He risked all our lives. He's tried to kill me. He's misogynistic as hell and won't stop hitting on me. But I still believe that he can be a decent person. I’ve seen it."

"Sounds like a wonderful example for our son," Regina says, sarcasm dripping from her words.

"I had thought he was okay with Henry, but, well, they nearly stole a ship and ran away and would have been turned into flying monkeys, so… yeah. I screwed that one up. But I've seen him being a decent guy, so I know it's possible. And having someone who believes in you – that can change everything."

"And if that someone stops believing?"

I notice the change in Regina's tone and immediately feel a flood of guilt and regret. "I screwed up. I'm so sorry I believed what I saw in the dreamcatcher over what I saw in you."

"And now?" The words are almost a challenge, but I detect an undercurrent of insecurity.

"Now?" I echo. "Now I'm sure everyone can see it. You're living proof that it's possible to change. You’ve helped save us all so many times now. You're more the Savior than I've ever been."

"Don't, please. I don't need any more titles."

"I know. Regina, I know you. And I know that you've changed."

"And you trust that it will last?"

"Everyone keeps talking about how people don't change, but that's bullshit. People change every day. Inch by inch. Moment by moment. But if you want to argue that people don't change – that they always go back to who they used to be – well, that works too. Snow told me about when you saved her. About how sweet you were. How kind. She didn't tell me anything else; said it was your story to tell, if you chose to share it. But I know who you are now, and a little of who you used to be. I believe in you."

"So, what, you trust me?"

"I do," I say with a small but sincere smile.

Regina smiles back, eyes a little watery. "Somehow I almost believe you."

"It's the truth. You're not alone anymore. Henry loves you. My parents love you. What could be a greater win than that?"

"I always end up alone. Mary Margaret has David. You have Hook. Henry has you."

I put my hand on Regina's shoulder to make her look at me. "We both have Henry," I say, hoping she sees the truth in my face. "And I've never had Killian, and I don't want him."

"You keep saying that, but you kissed him in Neverland. I saw you."

"You're right, I did. But then I realized I'd just be another notch on his bedpost."

"He is well-equipped for carving notches," Regina says dryly.

I laugh, startled. "He really is."

"So you're really not interested in the one-handed wonder?"

"I'm really not," I say, then on impulse I blurt out, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous."

Regina just scoffs.

"No, I'm serious. You've always seemed jealous of Neal and Killian. Henry says you even asked about Walsh."

"Don't delude yourself, dear. I just don't want the competition for our son."

"Oh really? Then how come what you said about Killian the other day was all about yearning looks? That has nothing to do with Henry."

"It would if you started dating him."

"Uh huh. And Walsh?"

"You almost married him. He was a monkey!”

“Nope, he was human. The so-called Wizard of Oz.”

“Well, the monkeys are human again. Now’s your chance.”

“With Walsh? Please. Some things you just can’t unsee. Besides, he was just playing me. He didn’t love me, and now that I have all my memories, I realize that I didn’t really love him either.”

"Why not?” The question is a little too quick to be casual, but I don't want to assume. I know how that always goes.

Because the moment I remembered my life in Storybrooke, Walsh wasn't the one I wanted. There's no way I can answer that question. "Do you want to know the real reason I even thought about returning to my life in New York?”

Regina blinks, clearly thrown by the change in topic. “Why?”

“Because I didn't want to lose Henry again. I know it's crap and selfish and so many levels of unfair. I was just so damn scared of something happening to him. It wasn’t about taking him away from you, I swear.”

“I understand. You chose our son.”

“I did. And I'd do it again.”

“And that's what makes you a parent.”

I'm crying again. Damn it all. Regina's expression is so full of love and concern that I don't know what to say. I impulsively step forward and put my arms around her. It’s awkward. It’s not really me, not something I’m comfortable with, but I need to show how grateful I am, to express just how much all of this means to me. Regina’s stiff, unrelenting. I almost pull away but then I feel her relax and her arms come around me. It’s comfortable without being smothering. Then it’s over.

As I walk away I can still smell her hair and feel her body against mine. When did all of this become so damned complicated?

*****

The dinner Regina puts together that first Friday is a little too fancy, but really good. I can't figure out how to suggest that she make it simpler without starting a fight, so I just thank Regina for the lovely meal.

But no, Henry just has to make things awkward. "Mom, can we please have lasagna at our next family night? Ma says it's her favorite."

"Oh, does she now?" Regina turns to me, a dangerous glint in her eye.

"I may have said something like that. But this was lovely. Honestly, you could feed me anything and I'd be happy."

"Anything?" Regina challenges.

"Well maybe no hearts or brains, given recent events."

Regina laughs, the sound warm and throaty. "Touché."


	5. Searching to find myself and all I find is you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Every Night by Imagine Dragons.

Days turn into weeks.

As time passes, the peace is a little unsettling. Part of me is still waiting for the next big disaster.

In her weeks without Henry, Regina spends extra time with her sister. They seem to be moving on from Zelena's attempts to destroy her sister's life, and actually trying to be a family of sorts. I guess if Regina and Snow White can be family, anything's possible. Zelena has permission to leave her house as long as she's in the company of others, but she continues to have a session with Archie every weekday. Sometimes Regina even joins them. They're making progress. Zelena’s still snarky as hell, thank goodness. All we really need is for her to stop thinking the world should revolve around her.

Regina and I are still sharing Henry. The apartment is home when he's there. The tension is just gone. I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. When he goes, the loneliness closes in. I’m still trying to reach out to my parents, but I don't know what to say. They try to include me, but it’s awkward. I’m their child but at the same time I never really was.

We're intimate strangers. Still learning each other. I know I need to find my own place before I freak out and ruin everything, but I don't know if I can.

If I feel alone in a house full of people, how alone will I feel on my own?

How alone must Regina feel when Henry is gone?

My one night a week at the mansion is keeping me going.

Our weekly dinners quickly evolve into movie nights and game nights, and then on Regina's week, once Henry's in bed, we have a glass of cider before calling it a night.

One such evening I'm comfortably seated while Regina stands staring into the fire. The flickering flames seem to comfort her, somehow. I'm mostly through my cider – nowhere near drunk but maybe a tiny bit buzzed – when I finally admit something I've been thinking on our Friday evenings together, the three of us. "I think I found my Tallahassee."

"Pardon?" Regina looks up from where she was staring into the fire, a curious edge in her eyes.

"Tallahassee. It was Neal’s dream. Mine too. We wanted to go there, have a life together. When he died, he said to find Tallahassee. It wasn't until you were trying to help Henry remember that I realized I already had found it. Here. This place. Storybrooke. It's my home."

"You seemed happy enough to be back even when you and Mary Margaret returned from the Enchanted Forest."

"I was. But I still dreamed of Boston and New York. I've always been a city person. Nobody cares about you. It's lonely but it's also very freeing. You can live how you want."

"You felt suffocated here?"

"I did. But now I love that I have people in my life who give a crap about me. Henry, friends, my parents. Even though my parents keep sending me away or leaving me behind, they're always happy to see me again."

"It's who they are. They always need to play the hero, but they're happy when it inevitably works out. Even in this world, it seems the Charmings are destined to be happy."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Well, they seem to have accepted me into their family, so perhaps I can hope that things may go my way someday."

"I'll join you in hoping for that," I can't help but give her a small smile.

"For you or me?"

"Both. Don't you think it's pretty clear by now that our lives are inseparable? My family is your family. We share a son. We're stuck with each other."

"Why do you sound happy about that?"

"Tallahassee isn't just about the place. It's the people. Henry didn't just take me home to Storybrooke – he brought me to you. Henry may be everything to you, and you may think he's all you have, but you're wrong. I hope you know you’ve got me too, and my parents. When you were saying goodbye to me and to Henry I realized that I didn't want to lose you. Not just because we're a team and not just because you're Henry's other mom – though I guess that’s how this all started – but because I … I care for you."

Regina blinks. I swear it looks like she’s about to cry. “I must admit, despite our rocky start, I don’t want you gone. I can’t imagine my life without you, not anymore. I’m glad I didn’t manage to scare you away. For Henry’s sake, but also for my own.”

*****

It comes back around to family night. Henry was the first to call it that. Now it feels truer than ever before.

I never thought anything would beat pizza, but Regina sets it out along with a proposition. "I have an idea. Rather than you and Henry finding an apartment, and rather than Henry changing house all the time, how would you like to spend alternating weeks, one with your parents and their baby, the other with Henry and myself here at 108 Mifflin Street?"

I nearly choke on my tongue trying not to laugh. Regina and Henry have identical expressions. I'm sure they think I'm crazy but I don't care. “You and my parents will share custody of me instead?”

“I wouldn’t exactly put it like that…”

I suddenly sober as the reality of her idea sinks in. "You would let me stay here?"

"Nonsense, I would get more time with my son."

"You'd also be welcoming me into your home."

"I suppose I would," Regina says, for all the world as though she’d never thought of that and as though this isn’t a huge deal. "What do you say?"

"And he can visit my parents?"

"Of course. We both will."

"Then yes. Absolutely."

*****

That night, the three of us play card games. I can’t stop smiling.

*****

All that week I’m at the apartment while Henry is with Regina. I'm freaking out, a mess of nerves and excitement, so I keep poking around and looking for distractions whenever I'm not at work. Mary Margaret and David keep looking at me like they think I'm losing it but have decided that I'm probably harmless.

A few days in I’ve finished work for the day and I'm scrounging around in the back of a cupboard when I see a black felt bag. It can’t be. Can it? Suddenly I realize the heartbeat in my ears has an echo.

Fuck.

I gently take Regina’s heart out of the bag. The black lacework is barely visible over the red glow. It’s so beautiful. I call Regina and ask her to come over. Out of the corner of my eye I see her heart glow briefly brighter. I’m intrigued. After she agrees to come and disconnects the call I watch as her heart rate gradually slows.

Ten minutes later, there’s a firm knock on the door. Regina’s standing there, immaculate in her fancy gray dress from our first meeting. The first time I’d seen emotions from Regina, even if I’d later denied them.

“Can you believe what I found in the cupboard?” I say, holding Regina’s heart out carefully. “I was looking for food and all I found was a heart.”

“Then I would suggest you go shopping.”

“I will, but I wanted to talk to you first. Why is your heart still here?”

“I don’t need that thing in my chest. I’m stronger without it.”

“No you’re not. It just means it doesn’t matter as much when you get hurt. But don’t you see? You’re not going to get hurt anymore. You’ve got a family now.”

“I already had a family.”

“Of course you've always had Henry, but I think you’re more like me than you want to let on. Sure you had parents, but I met your mother. She reminded me of the families I had as a child. They didn’t really want me for me. They wanted me for the money, or to look good. It was all for social status. I wanted to think that they loved me, but if they had, they would have found a way to keep me. They would have helped me.”

“So you have a wonderful happy perfect supportive family now?”

“They’re trying, okay? None of us are used to this. Family.”

“If you’re trying to blame me–”

“No, I swear. That’s not what this is about. My parents made the choice to abandon me. I made the choice to abandon Henry. You didn’t force us to do either of those things.”

“You didn’t abandon Henry. You were trying to give him his best chance.”

My heart hurts at Regina’s words. “Thank you. And as much as I regret that I lost all those years with Henry, I don’t regret that he went to you.”

“Then why did you call me here?”

“To give you your heart. Please put it back.” I manage to bite back any extra words. For Henry. For you. For me.

For a long moment we simply stare at one another. I can feel Regina's heart racing in time with mine. It's disorienting and amazing and terrifying.

“Very well,” Regina says at last. She reaches for her heart. For a moment Regina's heart is resting in my hands with her fingers twined around it. In that moment, her heart glows almost painfully bright in our joint hands.

“What–”

“As you will not take no for an answer,” Regina cuts in as though I haven’t spoken, and pushes her heart back into her chest. She gasps and closes her eyes for a long moment. It’s amazing to think that all this time she’s had no heart. She feels so much, even when her emotions are distant. When Regina opens her eyes, I see so many emotions, so intense. Regina notices me staring and looks away.

I accept her rejection of my previous question, accepting that she has no intention of telling me, and ask another that’s been bothering me. “Don’t you need your heart to be happy?”

“Funny, your mother said something similar. She said my heart would finds its way to happiness.”

“Okay, she wins. That’s way more poetic. But don’t you see we just want you to be happy? You and Henry. And, you know, if there’s anyone else, anyone you’d want to date, then I’m totally here for you.” I have no idea why I said that. The thought of Regina dating anyone feels wrong but I do want her to be happy. With me. My face feels like it’s on fire. I don’t think it is. I’m pretty sure Regina hasn’t launched any fireballs at me. I sneak a glance at her. She’s barely even breathing. She’s looking straight at me but hell if I can figure out her expression. I manage to add, “You know, to look after Henry.

“Is this a roundabout way of asking me to mind Henry if you want to date?” Regina says, a little too casual.

“Nope. I don’t– I haven’t– It’s complicated–”

“Well let me know if it becomes less complicated,” Regina says flatly. It’s not exactly acceptance, but it’s more than I expected.

“What, you’re suddenly okay with me dating someone else?” Dammit. That wasn’t what I meant to say. I mean, it was exactly what I meant, but I didn’t mean to say it. Or something.

“Someone _else_?” Regina says sharply. She looks intrigued. Curious and hopeful and wary. Maybe a little terrified.

I’m suddenly terrified myself. Terrified that I’ve screwed everything up. “I mean, other than … um, Neal?”

“You’ve already accused me of being jealous of him. Don’t backtrack now,” Regina says. It’s a challenge.

I’m suddenly sick of holding back. Sick of hiding. Screw it. “Fine, I meant you. Henry had this theory that you were jealous of me for me and I know it’s crazy but I realized that I’d actually be super okay with that but I know it’s never going to happen–”

I’m cut off by Regina's mouth on mine. The kiss is somehow forceful and hesitant all at once. Her lips are so soft. The kiss is firm but not invasive. I realize she's giving me a chance to run away. Well that's not happening. No way in hell. I'm kissing back and it's wonderful but there's still an edge of restraint. I don't want to stop to ask why. I really don't want to start a fight right now.

I lightly grip her shoulders for support and reassurance and suddenly I'm being pushed back against the wall and Regina starts kissing like she means it. I respond just as passionately.

I don’t want to stop. I need to stop. I pull away reluctantly, and look into Regina's suddenly panicked eyes. “Wait. I want this, I know we both do, but what about Henry? What if we start something and it goes south?"

“We both love Henry more than anything. We’ll do what we have to do to be his moms. Or are you so afraid of commitment you want to run when we've barely begun?”

Despite the intense level of snark being directed at me, it doesn’t take my lie detector to know that it’s a real concern. “No. No way in hell. I'm here.”

“As am I. Now how about we put our mouths to a more enjoyable use than talking?”

And then we're kissing again and I'm lost in the sensations of lips and teeth and tongues with only the distant awareness of Henry and our town and our family and our own histories reminding me why we cannot rush this. Why we cannot mess this up.

I know we still need to talk but I also know we've got the best chance of this all working out than we ever had before. We're finally a team for our son – like Regina's been trying to be for longer than I want to admit, even to myself. Regina and my parents are finally becoming something new and better. And Regina and I – well, we’re finally truly starting to accept something that started the moment I realized I loved our son.

We’re a family.

*****

The next day I start my first day of my first week living with Regina and Henry. It’s a new beginning in so many ways.

To celebrate our first morning together, Henry gets to choose breakfast. I tell him so while his mom's out of the room. "Choose wisely, kid. Great power comes with great responsibility."

He rolls his eyes. "Have you been reading my comics?"

"Of course not," I say, mock-wounded. "I may have recently seen the Spider-Man movies though."

He returns my grin. "Of course. Okay, well I choose apple pancakes."

"Very diplomatic."

"Diplomatic?" Henry rolls his eyes. "They're the best."

"Okay, I take it back. Not diplomatic. But true."

At that point Regina enters the room, grinning widely. "I _knew_ you liked my pancakes the best."

"Eavesdropper," I tease.

"You were the one hoping to trick our son into wanting waffles."

"I did no such thing."

"Liar. You even pulled the Spider-Man card."

"Were you listening in on that whole conversation?"

"Not intentionally."

"Hey I agreed that your apple pancakes were the best, so why would I want waffles?"

"Oddly enough I think it's because you seem to like cooking for us."

"Okay, you got me. I do. It's nice having people to cook for other than myself."

"Why do you think I learned?" Regina says softly. We both smile at Henry, and then Regina turns to look at me for a long moment. "How would you like to make tacos for dinner?"

"I’d love to," I say, surprised. "Thanks, really."

"No, thank _you_ ,” Regina smiles in understanding. “And I'll teach you my apple pancake recipe, so you can make them when I'm not around."

"You’ll be around," I assure her and Henry both.

Henry's choice of apple pancakes for our first official breakfast as a family is perfect. It's a symbol of all that the three of us are together. Apples and cinnamon and pancakes. What could be better?

*****

Somehow I lose track of time and I've been staying with Regina and Henry for over a week. I don't say anything.

Neither do they.

I tell my parents I'm staying on with Regina and it's to give them space and it's for Henry and I didn't want Regina to be all alone yet again after everything that's happened and they look at each other in this really pointed way but then say it's fine. Strangely, they’re not lying.

I don't ask what they’re thinking. I’m quite certain I’m not ready to talk about it, even if they’re somehow miraculously prepared to hear it.

*****

The mansion feels more like home after three weeks than any other place I've ever lived. It's the people. They feel like home. Henry is New York and Regina is this place. Storybrooke. She's challenge and danger and comfort and warmth. The house is still too big and too fancy and I still find myself poised to run, but that's just me. Storybrooke is my home, but it's also been home to a lot of shit. I will always be watching my exits. It's who I am, who I've always been. It's okay.

I'm not really going to run. And if I do, the whole of my family will be coming with me. My son, my parents, Regina. I still don’t know exactly how to define what we are, but that’s okay. We’re something. Something real.

Whatever’s going on between us, it feels like we’re doing okay. We're both spending time with Henry, and with each other. Talking, sharing chores, making out when nobody’s around. You know, the usual. We’ve even fallen into a kind of routine.

Regina and I take turns making breakfast. She usually makes dinner. My tendency towards bottled sauces and packet mixes, even after New York … well, it doesn't go down too well. We have a growing boy. And we really really do. He's nearly as tall as his mom. It's a little terrifying how fast he's growing. My early memories of him growing like a weed never really happened, so this is the first time I've experienced it for myself.

Everything’s great, except that I’m not officially supposed to still be here in this house. It’s almost the fourth week. I should be leaving to spend a week with my parents, or on my own. I don’t want to go, but I know I shouldn’t stay.

It's Thursday evening, the night before our official family night and changeover. Henry's in bed and Regina and I are in her study. It's nice but I can't sit still.

Regina must sense my discomfort. “Emma, I hope you realize I’m not going to send you away?”

“What?” I say, trying to stop my leg from moving. It’s a nervous habit I developed as a kid. Sometimes it sneaks up on me again, especially when I’m not sure where I stand.

“You are welcome here as long as you want to stay.”

I look at Regina. She’s being absolutely, achingly sincere. “But what about your time with Henry?”

“With you here we both get to spend time with Henry, and this way we won’t need to argue over birthdays and holidays.”

Huh. I hadn’t even thought of that. She’s absolutely right. “And you really don’t mind me being here?”

“Of course not. Naturally when I invited you to stay for alternate weeks I didn’t expect that what we had would develop into … whatever this is, but I must admit, I don’t miss coming home to an empty house.”

“Same.” I guess we’re both having trouble defining what we have. But that’s okay – at least she’s not denying that we have _something_. “This house must feel huge when it’s just you,” I find myself saying. Well, duh. And in other news, the sky is blue.

“It does,” Regina admits. “I loved it at first, but after a few years, it started to feel … wrong. Claustrophobic and overwhelmingly large.” She shakes her head, looking annoyed with herself. “I’m not making sense.”

“No, I get it. It was so big it needed more people to make it feel like a home, but because it was just you it felt too small. You felt trapped.”

“Yes. But how…”

“Sure, I’ve never lived anywhere fancy, but I’ve lived alone. Most of the time it’s okay, but sometimes… Sometimes it hurts.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up your past.”

I smile wryly. “It’s not something I can ever forget. I just try not to let it get to me, not if I can help it.”

“I understand.”

I'm sure she does. "Thanks for letting me stay."

"You're very welcome."

Even in the time I’ve been living at the mansion – which I suppose I can almost call my home – Regina has asked Henry for stories about New York so many times that he’s had to start retelling his favorites, and she’s gone through all of our photos so many times she’s basically memorized them. Even all the photos we took playing around with our new camera, which were basically just a million shots of each other with different zooms and focal points – everything from a silhouette of Henry against a window through to a super-close-up of my eye. Regina even printed a series of photos for display in the front hallway, from when Henry and I were playing with the self-timer. We have a couple of shots with both of us visible with wild hair and wide smiles, but Regina also printed a number of blurred images of one or the other of us running, as well as a photo of our two pairs of feet as we fell backwards onto the couch.

One day I see her standing in the hall, smiling as she stares at the photos. She reaches up and touches one, but I’m on the wrong angle and too far away to see which. I don't ask.

Henry and I give Regina a camera with a self-timer and insist that she learn to use it herself. The wall gains new photos. Regina laughing as she runs to Henry and I laughing on the couch. The three of us in a happy tangled heap after Regina tripped and I caught her. A blurred close-up of Regina's face after the camera goes off almost instantly. One with our feet all in the air on purpose to recreate the photo from New York. And one of all three of us smiling on the couch with Henry in the middle.

A perfect family portrait.

(And then another one with all of us pulling faces and me doing bunny ears on Regina while she does the same to Henry. It's my favorite. It brings back memories of laughter and fun, and Regina's face when she saw the photo. So happy. So full of love.)

We take the camera with us the next time we go to visit my parents, and take a whole new series of photos. Family photos – the two of them, and then some with their kids – still so weird to think that baby Lancelot is my brother – and then they insisted on trying out the self timer to get all of us in. The two of them, their kids and their eldest kid's family. Me with my son and my … Regina.

Things are already better with my parents. The distance means I can visit without feeling like I'm constantly intruding and they can spend time with me without feeling pressured. We're not trying as hard, so it's working way better. We can talk now without anyone feeling guilty, which means we're actually communicating more. It's weird but awesome.

One day my parents invite Henry and I around for sword-fighting lessons.

"Thanks, that sounds great," I say, meaning it, but then I take a deep breath and say a little too quickly, "Can Regina join us?"

"Is there anything we should know?" David says jokingly.

I feel myself go very still. "Like what?"

Mary Margaret touches my arm soothingly. "He's just teasing you for moving in with Regina. Ignore him. Of course she can come."

"Oh." I had this whole argument planned out about how Regina should have learned combat skills before all this started so then maybe she wouldn't have been driven to magic and how she's Henry's mom and needs to be able to help protect him – and all of us really – with or without her magic. "Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, Emma." She smiles, eyes a little watery, and pulls me in for a hug.

David joins us in the hug. "Sorry for teasing. Of course Regina's welcome."

"Thanks, Dad." I'm managing to call them Mom and Dad more now. Each time it feels a little less strange. It makes them happy and it's such a small thing. I can do this. After the first two families I couldn't call my foster parents mom or dad because I just knew they weren't and would never be. They didn’t want to keep me. I cried myself to sleep wondering why my parents had abandoned me. And now they're here and it's still so strange and amazing.

And I will always love their hugs.

*****

A few days later we have our first swordfighting lesson. Naturally, we're using wooden swords. Snow watches with a sleeping Lancelot in her arms. I’m paired with David and Regina with Henry. Henry grins and waves his wooden sword mock-threateningly. He’s actually got more control than me already, so that kind of sucks. Of course, he’s actually had something in the way of lessons – I just kept being handed a sword with the expectation that I would figure out how to use it. (After all, I am the fucking Savior.) It’s sweet watching Henry with his mom, explaining how to hold the sword, and teaching her a few useful strikes and blocks. I’m so distracted I forget I’m fighting David and get hit on the knuckles. “Ow.”

“Sorry, thought you were ready,” David says, cheerfully unapologetic. “What are you smiling about?”

“It’s just really nice seeing them getting along so well,” I say, unable to take my eyes off Henry and Regina.

“It is,” David agrees, “But that smile says it’s more than just ‘nice.’ You really care for her, don’t you?”

“I– You– Uh, I mean, I wouldn’t–” I finally stumble upon a vague but hopefully acceptable response. “She’s Henry’s mom. She’s family.”

“You can tell us, you know. Whenever you’re ready.”

I pretend not to know what he’s talking about and turn to face him, holding my sword ready. “En garde.”

“We don’t really say that,” David points out.

“I saw it in a bunch of movies.”

“Well, if you say so,” David grins. “En garde!”

*****

I drop in to visit my parents a couple of days later, just me. I told Regina and Henry they should have some bonding time, and although they both said they’d be happy to have me join them, I declined. They were there for each other long before I butted in. Some days I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be, but some days I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and everyone to realize that I don't belong. I'm not a part of their world - I never was.

I knock, but wait for a response before I let myself in. My parents told me to keep my key, but after that one time Henry and I arrived unexpectedly, I’m not taking any chances. “Hey, Dad.”

David smiles as he looks up from his computer, where he’s adding yet another million photos of baby Lancelot to his Facebook. (I’m trying not to block him, but it’s hard.) I can’t remember how many lectures on web safety I’ve given him, but at least I managed to convince him to lock his account and photos to friends only. Now I just need to convince him that he doesn’t need to be friends with everybody.

“Hey, Ems. How are things? On your own today?”

“Yeah, I figured I’d let Regina and Henry have some family time.”

“You’re their family, too,” David points out.

“Yeah, but they were a family before I turned up.”

“I’m sure they’re both happier now.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I allow. I can’t help the niggling doubt, even after what Regina told me. _That doesn’t mean it’s because of me._ “But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to see you both, and also to ask Mom something. Where is she?”

“I’m here, sweetie,” Mary Margaret comes out of the bedroom, hair a little messy. “I was having a nap.”

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“I was already awake. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just… Here’s the thing, I figured if we’re doing sword-fighting lessons, we really should have archery lessons with you as well.”

“We should?” David echoes, clearly confused. It’s weird that – having been here in this world for as long as they have – they still don’t realize how misogynistic their society really was. Maybe it’s just not enough.

“Don’t let Mary Margaret’s innocent name fool you, I hear she’s quite the expert.”

“I wouldn’t say that…” Mary Margaret protests, but she’s smiling.

“To hear Henry’s book tell it, you could knock a man’s hat off at twenty paces. I must admit I’m a little worried at how you discovered that fact…”

“Henry’s book may not be entirely honest.” 

“No! You mean it might possibly be biased?”

Mary Margaret lets my sarcasm wash over her. “Maybe a little. But I did learn to use a bow well, and I’d love to teach you and Henry and Regina. Wow, that’s quite a mouthful.”

“Well, like Dad said, maybe you could call them my family?” I suggest. My tongue feels thick and my heart’s racing, but it needs to be said.

“Your family,” Mary Margaret echoes, her tone wondering. “They really are, aren’t they? You and Regina are Henry’s moms. Both of you.” 

“We are.”

*****

The following week we start learning archery. David’s minding Lancelot and watching us all from a safe distance, with the added protection of a magical barrier (Regina’s still teaching me improved control and understanding of my magic – we’ve both learned from past experience not to be complacent). Mary Margaret has us all lined up, each with our own bow and target and a huge stack of arrows. She shows us how to hold the bow and how to hold the arrow on the string, how to pull back and release the arrow.

It looks so easy.

It really isn’t. An hour into it and I’m lucky if I can get the arrow on the paper square, let alone the target. Henry and I may have taken to swordfighting, but this is ridiculous. _Throwing_ a fucking sword was easier. I sneak a glance across at Regina and she’s getting bullseyes. How?

Her gaze is intent and focused. Her posture is impressive. Straight and tight. I don’t know how she can make a pantsuit look so sexy. Suddenly I hear a yelp and see Pongo running away. Thank god I can see the arrow imbedded in the ground. He’s scared, not injured. How the hell did I manage that? My heart’s racing, filled with a belated dose of adrenaline with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I totally forgot I even had an arrow nocked. (That’s the word, right?) Loaded? Ha, nocked and loaded. Wow, I think my brain must have melted.

“Emma!” Mary Margaret is on me before I have a chance to get my thoughts in order. “What on earth were you thinking?”

Sexy pantsuit? “Um…” I glance over at Regina and then back. “Uh…”

She follows my eyeline and smiles in an exasperated way. I feel like a schoolkid. Or maybe just a kid. “I think I know what caught your eye. You can tell me, you know, whenever you’re ready. But please don’t nock any arrows unless you’re planning on firing them at the target.”

“Ha, nocked!” At her curious look, I say, “Crap, did I say that out loud?”

“Yes, sweetie.”

“Right, sorry. I’ll pay attention, and give up on trying to talk.”

“That might be for the best,” Mary Margaret says, but she smiles and pats my shoulder before crossing to talk to Henry. He grins excitedly and shows her the target – two arrows in the outside ring. He’s kicking my butt again.

A little later, Regina approaches and watches me fire the last of my arrows. My awareness of her presence makes my aim even worse than usual (if that’s possible).

“You need to aim higher,” Regina says in my ear, making me shudder. “And breathe before you release the arrow.”

“Oh, like firing a gun,” I realize.

“You’re not planning to teach Henry to use a gun, are you?”

“Fuck no!” I cough. “Sorry. But no way. We’re firing blunted arrows and sparring with wooden swords. That’s dangerous enough. No way is our kid going near a gun!”

“Good.” Regina smiles and brushes her fingers along my arm before she walks away.

Dammit. There goes the last of my concentration. I might just sit this one out.

*****

Regina and I are taking things as slowly as possible – but probably not as slowly as we should – in the hope that we won’t screw everything up. We know how to hurt each other but all the shit we’ve been through has also helped us learn how to care for one another. Hopefully it will more than balance out in our favor.

I can finally acknowledge just how important it is for me to accept that Regina is Henry’s primary parent. (And I can’t help the niggling awareness that legally she could be his only parent again, if she were ever to shut me out.) It took me way too long to realize something that should have been obvious. But then at the time I was blinded by my new knowledge that Regina really had been the Evil Queen. Why should she be trusted with a child?

But that’s not who she is. Even when Zelena claimed I’d come up against the Evil Queen, all I could see was Regina. I’m still learning about her past, but she’s still learning about mine. We both have a lot of history and a lot of hurt, but we know how important this relationship is to both of us. We’re always going to have to make some allowances.

There is one thing I’ve accepted. We can’t lie to Henry.

One evening Regina and I are on the couch in the study sitting a little too close together – what if Henry’s still awake? – but I really don’t want to move. I finally manage to address the subject. “How do you feel about telling Henry about us?”

Regina turns to look at me appraisingly. “You’re not going to run away again?”

“Never.” I try to make the word come out as strongly as I mean it. “And you’re not going to make me leave?”

“Absolutely not,” Regina assures me, evidently accepting my answer.

“Good,” I say, unable to keep myself from smiling.

“In that case, we should tell Henry,” Regina agrees, smiling her fucking beautiful smile before taking my hand and kissing each of my fingers in turn.

Her affectionate side makes me melt but I manage to speak. “And you’re okay with me having an input in decisions about his life?”

“Absolutely. I welcome it, I only ask that you don’t decide anything without talking to me.” Regina replies, kissing me briefly, teasingly, and then smirking at my expression. I probably look like I’m about to explode and faint all at once. Feels like it, anyway. Being with Regina is so fucking intense.  
  
“I won’t,” I assure her, fighting to control my breathing.  
  
“Good,” Regina says, her smile widening. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Yes, let's.”

*****

The next morning we pull Henry aside before he heads off to school. “Henry, Emma and I have something to tell you.”

“You’re dating,” he says easily, and then rolls his eyes at our reactions. “C’mon moms, you’re not exactly subtle. You keep looking at each other like you found the answer.” He scrunches up his forehead. “Does that sound weird?”

“No, it sounds perfect,” I manage. I thought he’d be okay but had no idea he’d be this open to the idea. And the moment he said how we’ve been looking at each other, I realized it’s true. It’s terrifying, but beautiful.

“I want us to be a family,” Henry says, “and I want you both to be happy, so if this makes you happy, then that’s awesome.” He smiles and hugs us both together. It’s the first time since Regina and I got together and it feels so perfect that I have to fight tears.

“Thank you,” Regina says softly. When we pull away I can see her face is more open than ever before, so full of happiness and pride and tears.

“Of course,” Henry says, seeing her face and hugging us again. “Just please don’t do anything gross where it could traumatize me for life.”

“Gee, thanks kid.”

  
Regina just shakes her head at both of us, but she can't hide her smile. “We won't.”

*****

Once Henry knows, we’re a little more open. Regina of course meant her promise not to do anything too traumatizing, but she’s also got a pretty high threshold for what’s okay. After Henry goes to bed, Regina and I slowly gravitate towards one another on the couch (after which we proceed to make out like teenagers). After a few days of approaching gradually, Regina basically throws herself in my lap. She laughs at my incredulous look. “Just figured I’d save us both some time.”

“Good call,” I say, loving her laugh and her happiness. I can’t stop smiling. It makes me happy knowing that I caused Regina’s laugh, even inadvertently. I realize suddenly I never ever want to lose this. “Will you promise me something?”

“Yes?”

“Was that a yes?”

“No, it was an invitation to speak,” Regina smiles gently at my confusion.

“Oh, okay,” I laugh weakly. “Sorry, I’m kind of nervous. Here’s the thing, we’re doing pretty well, aren’t we? You and I?”

“I believe so,” Regina says. Her smile fades into concern.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I swear it’s nothing bad. I just figured we’re on a good streak and I’m really hoping it can stay that way, so I was hoping we can promise each other that we’ll always tell the truth and we won’t push each other away.”

“Or run away.”

Regina’s remark is entirely without bite. Apparently she really is starting to believe that I’m where I want to be. “Exactly. So are you with me?”

“I am. And we have to try not to expect the worst, or jump to conclusions.”

“Deal. And I’ll try to keep my foot out of my mouth. No guarantees, but I swear I’ll do my best.”

“I’ll allow a few slip-ups. Makes life more fun,” Regina says teasingly, but despite the teasing, I know she means it. It’s nice. “And I know that Henry will always be the most important person for each of us, but you’re next for me. Henry’s happiness is a major part of all this, but so is ours.”

Our happiness makes me think of happy endings. I’d never ever thought to find any sort of lasting happiness. That search for a happier now had taken up so much of my life. I’d always just tried to find what little moments of happiness I could. It was why Neal had meant so much. He’d made me laugh. He gave me hope for the future. Now I’ve somehow found that again, but better. A family with Regina and our son. We make each other laugh. “Do you remember what my mom said about happy endings not always being what we expect? Do you think she knew?”

Regina shakes her head. “I doubt it. But I think she really does want us both to be happy.”

“I think you’re right. And I am. New York was great, but this is better. We’re all here.” I know that there will always be a part of me that will be afraid to believe I can be happy. Afraid to believe I’ll be able to stay. That we’ll be safe. But I’m trying not to hold myself back anymore. I want to be happy.

“It’s certainly better for me,” Regina says mildly, but I know what that year was for her, and my arms tighten around her as I kiss her on the cheek. She relaxes into my arms.

“Can we invite my parents to dinner sometime? We can meet at Granny’s if you’d rather?”

“Nonsense. We’ll have them here for dinner on Friday for family night.”

There’s no way I can keep myself from kissing her after that.

*****

The three of us go to visit my parents a couple of days later. They are – as ever – happy to see us. That will never ever get old. Henry and David are outside running around and playing. (I’m never sure who’s the bigger kid out of the two of them. Well, physically David, but yeah.) Regina’s holding Lancelot, who’s looking at her. He’s still too little to do much more than that, but it’s sweet. She's talking to him, but I can't quite catch the words.

I’m talking to Mary Margaret, but I can barely take my eyes off Regina. I can’t help myself. “We, uh, Regina and Henry and I, would like to invite you to dinner at the mansion on Friday.”

“Thank you, we’d love to come,” Mary Margaret says, smiling.

I turn to her and smile. “I’m glad.”

“You know we’re always happy to see you.”

“I do. And you don’t know how much that means to me. Well, I guess you do, because you know we’re always happy to see you, too.”

“I do. I’m so glad we found each other again.”

“So am I.” My eyes are drawn back to Regina. I’m so glad that all of us found each other. And even more glad that we found our way back to each other. My life with Henry was great, but now we have so much more.

I see Mary Margaret smile out of the corner of my eye as she says, “She’s so good with him. Of course, given her history with Henry, that’s to be expected, but it’s sweet.”

“It really is.”

*****

Our first dinner as a family is awkward but nice. My parents bring wine and nonalcoholic apple cider. We end up just opening the cider, although Regina does add a little of her own cider to the adults' drinks. "Gives it some kick."

It’s way better than the family dinner we had when Henry didn’t remember. Regina’s happier. We’re all happier. There’s no looming threat. No need to struggle for generic topics. We talk about life in Storybrooke, but also ogres, unicorns, trolls. Henry’s loving it, but I suspect my eyes are nearly as wide.

I can’t help but ask, “Unicorns are real?”

Regina raises her eyebrows. “That’s what you choose to focus on?”

“Yeah, well I’ve seen ogres – scary suckers – and I remember the trolls from Henry’s book, but unicorns … wow.”

“That is pretty awesome,” Henry says. “But I think trolls would be more exciting.”

“Sure, if you want to be eaten.”

Granny's minding Lancelot so my parents head home early – Regina makes them promise to bring him along next time – but they invite us all around to their house for dinner the following Friday.

Henry's flat out on the couch when we return from seeing off my parents. The two of us are so close together we might as well be holding hands.

"Bed time young man!" Regina calls out to him.

"Okay. Thanks for expanding our family night," he says, giving us a hug.

"You're welcome," we say together, though I know he’s mostly thanking his mom.

“Goodnight moms,” he calls out as he goes upstairs, and we reply together (again).

I’m trying not to roll my eyes while also not-so-secretly loving it. Regina laughs out loud at the expression on my face, and then says softly, “Me too.”

"Seriously, thanks," I say, wrapping my arms around her.

"Nonsense," Regina scoffs. "How else would I make sure I get to see your brother every week?"

"We could go around there way more often, you know that."

"I do."

It's a small acknowledgement of a huge change.

*****

I know I’m never going to feel that everything’s perfect. Storybrooke always leaves me a little on edge. I know what can happen here. But even in that life that wasn’t real, I was afraid to trust. I know that about myself. But I try. Storybrooke is the closest I’ve ever come to feeling like I belong. Like I’m home. There’ll always be a part of me that will never forget how I grew up and how I came to be here. But that same part of me will always be grateful because it won't ever forget just how much I’ve gained.

End


End file.
